Early House of the Dead Reviews are Wonderfully Awful

Well, sure we all know that cheesy horror movies suck by nature – However, we seem to have a winner with the “over-the-top-in-suckiness-o-meter”. The winner is House of the Dead.

The reviews are so untruthfully bad, it’s fun to research the reviews just so you can increase your vocabulary on synonyms for the words “Sucks Crap”:

Quint of “Ain’t it Cool News” review is right here:
It has golden quotes like:

         “He seems to really want to make movies, just not the one he was actually directing.”

         “The script is so terrible, the dialogue so self referential it’d make Kevin Williamson gasp in disbelief.
           I’m serious, the movie is so unenjoyable that it couldn’t have just been a f*ckup. They had
           to work at making it this bad.”

“Mr. Beaks” also of “Ain’t it Cool News”, breaks his own movie rules and says this: (his review can be found here.)

         “To classify these guys as “zombies” would be an insult to everyone from George Romero to Ed Wood.”

         “Frankly, life is too short; ergo, I broke my own personal reviewer’s code, and walked out. “

Folks, believe me, it takes a special film for someone more in love with films than I am to walk out on a movie. Granted, this is backfiring — now I want to see this for the sheer vomitorial response.

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