Top 10 Worst Films of 2005

Hey there Folks, John here.

A couple of days ago we talked about the top 10 best and worst films of 2005 on The Audio Edition. Since then I’ve had a few people request I put the list up here. So today I’ll give you the rundown of what I consider to be the very worst films of 2005 and then leave it to you to offer your opinions in the comments section.

So without further ado (how the hell do you properly spell that anyway???), here is my list of the top 10 Worst Films of 2005:

10) The Corpse Bride
Characters you didn’t care about, a musical with sucky music, and almost nothing but the style of animation going for it. What a poor let down after seeing Burton’s great work with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

9) Dukes Of Hazzard
Let’s see, where to begin? 2 of the 3 lead roles cast with non-actors, a script that made it feel more like “Dude Where’s My Dukes” all mixed in with a total disregard for the spirit of the original. Yeah, that just about sums it up.

8) Stealth
Pathetic plot holes, outrageously unrealistic while trying to create a feel of realism, rampant cliches and a total waste of good solid acting talent. Aside from some of the visual effects, there is nothing redeeming about this joke of a film

7) A History Of Violence
Yeah yeah I know… this will probably get some Oscar buzz. But I’ve never been afraid to give my opinion on something even if it’s not the popular one. This film commits one of the worst sins a move can commit… horrible 1 dimensional characters. There is no gray in this film. Each character was either 100% pure goodness… or 100% pure evil. No middle ground. It was far too slow, uneventful, boring, and with a couple of really out of place sex shots (and normally I’m all for the gratuitous sex) that just made the film feel awkward rather than intense or sexy. I hated this film… which sucks because I was really excited about seeing it.

6) The Fog
Smallville star Tom Welling justifies Bryan Singer’s decision NOT to cast him as Superman. Don’t get me wrong, I think Welling has a good future ahead of him… but in The Fog he shows he’s got a lot of work to do on his craft first before stepping up to big time roles in the movies. Cheap, Cheesy and laughable, the script doesn’t do anything to get you interested or make you scared (the whole point of a horror film). The movie just sort of wandered around the whole time totally directionless. Too bad… because the original was pretty good.

5) XXX 2: State of the Union
Oh my good heavens there was too much wrong with this piece of crap to even justify me going into it. I still don’t know why I don’t rank this higher on the list.

4) Aeon Flux
Maybe they just should have called this “Catwoman 2”. Hot as hell Oscar winning actress in superhero like film that self destructs every chance it gets. This movie had no idea how to unfold it’s story and really felt like it was being made by a group of film students rather than the professionals. Horrible movie. If Charlize wasn’t so damn sexy I might have ranked this higher.

3) The Ringer
Johnny Knoxville makes it twice on this list! If there was ever any doubt that Knoxville (who seems to be a pretty cool guy) can’t act… then this move removes that doubt totally. Let me say this again… Johnny Knoxville can not act. It didn’t help him that it was one of the worst scripts I’ve ever had the displeasure of seeing on screen. The film was awkward, uncomfortable, poorly executed… and as I already said horribly acted. One of the only 2 films in my life that I walked out of before the end.

2) Dark Water
Go ahead, look up “Boring and pointless” in the dictionary. You’ll find the phrase “Dark Water”. The worst adaptation of Asian cinema to date. Nothing happens in the film. NOTHING. It’s the first movie I’ve ever seen where 5 minutes of screen time is dedicated to showing someone being shown an apartment they’re thinking about renting. Oh man… and that was the high point of the film. At least if all had a fresh coat of paint.

1) Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo
And the winner by a mile for the worst film of 2005 is Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo! Will someone PLEASE stop putting Rob Schneider in lead roles. The guy is ok in supporting roles and I have no problem with him. But the fact of the matter is that he SUCKS in leads. This film looked like it was going to be ok in the first 5 minutes… but then it TOTALLY fell apart into this steaming pile of dung. It’s ok to be raunchy… it’s ok to be sexual… it’s ok to be rude… it’s ok to be silly and over the top… BUT IF YOU’RE GOING TO DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS YOU HAVE TO AT LEAST BE FUNNY WHILE DOING IT!!!!! Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo wasn’t.

So there you have it folks. My list of the worst films of 2005. Is there anything you really think SHOULDN’T be on that list? Anything that SHOULD be there that I missed? Tomorrow I’ll give my best of 2005 list. Cheers!

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35 thoughts on “Top 10 Worst Films of 2005

  1. good list but Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo wasn’t that bad lol it had alot of funny shit in it.

    Anyway this would be my top 10 worst movies of 2005.

    10. Aeon Flux

    09. Bewtiched

    08. Fantastic Four

    07. Stealth

    06. War of the Worlds

    05. The Honeymooners

    04. Harry Potter 4

    03. XXX 2: State of the Union

    02. Son of The Mask

    01. KING KONG

    Can’t really put BrokeBack because I have not seen it, and don’t plan to.

    I don’t need the gay hollywood agenda in my face telling me it’s ok to be a homosexual.

    If people are um queer whatever good for them… I just don’t need to go see that shit.

    So I won’t put it just cause it’s a movie about faggots…

  2. I completely agree with your list, except for the Corpse Bride. I wish people would stop dissing on that movie…I know everyone has an opinion, and I agree that the music wasnt that great. But, the movie took alot of effort (3 years of it to be exact), and needs to be appreciated…Plus im sick of seeing crappy CGI cartoons.

    PS – Im glad you put “The Fog” on there, that movie was a sorry excuse of a remake.

  3. Gabriel Givens,

    I will pray to merciful God for your soul tonight. The hate and anger you preach does not come from the love of God, but from somewhere very very far from Him. Accept that love is God-given and is precious – it comes in whatever form we are lucky enough to find it in. Accept God’s love in this world. The denial of it is surely the only real definition of blasphemy. The Apocalypse of which you speak is not God’s punishment of those who accept his ability to love. it is the cleansing from the world of those who know only hate.

  4. What? No Transporter 2? They just took the action, multiplied it a couple of times, made the main actor another 1man-army, and there u go… quite a comedy actually… And xXx 2 deserves to be here(it was 2005 right?)

  5. there was a lot of crap this year, I could easily make a top 50 list… but top ten for me were

    1.Dark Water

    2.Syriana(MOST OVERRATED OF 2005!!!!!!!!!!,boring…..)

    3.Star Wars 3

    4.Sin City(just stupid.. not stylish…)

    5.Transporter 2



    8.Dukes of hazard

    9.The Interpreter

    10.Fun with Dick and Jane

    some of the movies people have up on their list I haven’t seen and maybe would of made mine…(for example seed of chucky… why would you even bother to watch it?).

  6. there was a lot of crap this year, I could easily make a top 50 list… but top ten for me were

    1.Dark Water

    2.Syriana(MOST OVERRATED OF 2005!!!!!!!!!!,boring…..)

    3.Star Wars 3

    4.Sin City(just stupid.. not stylish…)

    5.Transporter 2



    8.Dukes of hazard

    9.The Interpreter

    10.Fun with Dick and Jane

    some of the movies people have up their I haven’t seen and maybe would of made my list…(for example seed of chucky… why would you even bother to watch it?).

  7. I cannot believe you put A History of Violence on here. That was an amazing movie from start to finish. Viggo played it brilliantly. The scene where he looks at his son and doesn’t say a word but sums up the whole movie with his facial expressions was genius. The sex scenes were how real people have sex, and the final scene was played how it should have been. Under another director there would have been a lot of exposition and resolution, but Cronenberg did it with style.

  8. My list:


    Seed Of Chucky

    Son of The Mask

    Deuce Bigalo

    Dukes of Hazard


    House of Wax

    Fever Pitch

    The Pacifier

    The Honeymooners

    Going by the Dvd release date because you wouldn’t catch me in the theater watching these.

    There were some letdowns this year, like Corpse bride and Dark water but they weren’t nearly as badd as something like Bewitched or Rebound..

    I just noticed there’s alot of bad comedies on my list. I always hate when critics give comedies I really like a bad rating, I bet there’s some poor joe out there thinking the same thing about me. :)


    I didn’t like brokeback mountain. In my opinion homosexuality is a sin. I think sin is the reason for failure in this country. God is going to let a very bad thing happen to us again in the very near future that will be 10 times worse than New Orleans. We promised to love and obey the God of Isreal through Jesus Christ and for a season He made us very powerful. Now we are disobeying His commandments and He will destroy America if we don’t stop being homosexual evil people. I’m angry at America because this is stuff I have been say for at least ten years. You call me crazy. But every time I say get ready for this next disaster you say so- So I quit. Your homes will burn. Your children will die. Your mothers will rot in the streets. I wish that the God of Isreal would tell you Himself but if you won’t listen to me why should you listen to Him. God is very angry at all of us including me. He is willing to stop being angry at us if we stop sinning. He said for me stop stop thinking about porno. I told him that I would try but you are not willing to try. Soon the President will say everything is wondereful in America. This is wrong. America is in grave danger. Bill Clinton failed because of sin. We have the power to do whatever we please with the God of Isreal but without the God of Isreal we will fail.

    But because this is America you will say my ancestors died for your freedom. I’m sure grandpa Kunta would be pleased-thank you. Now stop sinning and you and I together can go die for freedom. Freedom is not the issue. Sin against the God of Isreal who is very dangerous and powerful will destroy us all. Just think of Him as the Godfather like Al Pacino. So when there are one million people lying face down dead in the streets don’t be angry at me because I did my job. Hate the message don’t hate me. I’m not on the radio. Just remember that this is just the beginning.

    gabriel givens

  10. i’m glad to see some defense for A History Of Violence. i can understand your gripe about it being uneventful and awkward, but that’s Cronenberg’s intent. and the film was not black or white. in the beginning it is, it’s setting something up, but the ugly layers are definitely there. i had a weird time with this film, but the more i’ve thought about it since (because it’s crept into my mind on more than one occasion since i saw it) the more i can’t let go. it is not an easy film, but it should not, as far as opinions can be discussed, be on a worst films list.

  11. Kungfu Hustle was about nostalgia and a lot was lost in the translation of a lot of “in” jokes. A lot of content was based on old Chinese novels. I was surprised at how well it did in non-Asian cinemas as it is. I thought it would have completely bombed. On that note, I don’t think it should be on the list, because of the cultural gap.

  12. Hey guys,

    This is a list of JOHN’S OPINION about the movies HE HAS ACTUALLY SEEN. Which means it’s subjective as hell and doesn’t mean anything. The same could be said about his upcoming “best of 2005” – I bet there’s no Sympathy for Lady Vengeance in there.

    My opinion is that Corpse Bride is definitely NOT one of the worst movies of 2005. Dissappointing, because you would have expected more, especially after Nightmare Before Christmas? Yeah. Poor songs (Danny Elfman isn’t what it used to be), poor character development? Sure. But still too many good points to consider it a bad movie.

    Revenge of the Sith SHOULD be on the list, for exactly the opposite. Too many bad points to consider it a good movie.

  13. I didn’t like to see the “History of Violence” and “Corpse Bride” there, but… well, I have to respect your opinion. But I liked the choice of “Stealth”, that was one of the worst films I saw, specially because they had a lot of money to do that, the story is the most obvious “ever” and it’s tooooooooo long to something so boring. It deserved a better position on this worst list. :)

  14. With reference to “Peter”‘s comment above….. A History Of Violence isn’t a black and white movie….. just a dull, grey spot on my life-type film.

  15. Well… War of The Worlds and Revenge of the Sith… it√Ǭ¥s so cool to say they are bad movies. But no, they aren√Ǭ¥t. Lucas and Spielberg can do controversial movies, but at least people talk about them for time and time to come. That cannot be said about Serenity. Now, to hell with ya, Star Wars and Spielberg bashers!!!!

    You aint fun anymore!!! LOL

  16. glad you put Corpse Bride there. Dunno what everybody was raving about. It doesn’t hold a candle to Nightmare Before Christmas. It wasn’t bad though, it just wasn’t good either. And I didn’t like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory either. I yearn for the Tim Burton of old.

  17. Nice list but the lack of Guy Ritchie’s “Revolver” was a bit of a disappointment, that film is just horrible right down to its core. One of the only films in my life where I wanted the 115 minutes of my life I had wasted sitting in a dark room back.

  18. A History of Violence doesn´t deserve to be in this list. And the reasons exposed cannot resist a serious analysys. Manicheism in this movie? Really, John? Is Tom Stall (Viggo) 100% good or bad? Is his son the same?

    This movie is not about superheros or supervillains. The violent characters in the movie are criminals: criminals behave this way usually. Even Tom´s brother, apparently an evil comic figure, is there to put yet another shadow over Tom´s portrait: he once wanted to be like him, he once was with him.

    Seriously… when I saw this movie, the audience pissed me off, I sat in a bad seat, and had not the best of days. But not even that distracted me from the gem of a movie is this last Cronemberg√Ǭ¥s. Everything is subjective to a certain extent, but I fail to understand why and when this movie is a black and white one.

  19. Actually, Dark Water is pretty damn atmospheric and not a half-bad movie. It breathes instead of endless pushing forward with its plot.

    The biggest flaw of Dark Water was marketing it as a horror picture. It falls into that nebulous realm occupied also by Guellermo Del Toro’s THE DEVIL’S BACKBONE, namely a drama that happens to have a supernatural element or two.

  20. Hey you didn’t even see the end of Dark Water! Things did start happening in it. Granted not as good as the original Asian, but it was not as bad as you made out. Sure it was slow to begin with, but it had some redemption and payoff later.

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