Have you ever wondered about what celebrities would be if they weren’t famous? No matter what career we are all trying to pursue, we all (should) have a back up plan.(Even celebrities) Sometimes I wonder if celebrities have realized they have found their true calling by the roles some of them constantly pick. Sometimes, you may notice a striking quality in them, and just know where their paths would have lead if they hadn’t become actors. So here is my list of what occupations certain celebrities would probably be able to excel at if they weren’t in the spotlight.
Clive Owen-Babysitter/Bodyguard extraordinaire
I think Clive Owen would be a perfect bodyguard. He has proven in ‘Children of Men’ and ‘Shoot em up’ that he could also definitely be a great “care-taker” of babies. He never would let you down, and would literally risk his life to protect you.
Sarah Michelle Gellar-spiritual advisor
There has to be some kind of reason why Sarah Michelle Gellar is constantly drawn to the paranormal movies. (The Grudge, The Grudge 2, The Return, Possession) I feel she could have been great telling fortunes, and reading palms, and talking to the deceased. This probably would have been a better choice for her in the long run. She would have been able to predict the deterioration of her film career, and therefore saved some time.
Tom Cruise-Olympic Sprinter
If Tom Cruise wasn’t an actor, I bet that he would have been in the Olympics by now. When he runs in his movies, (which is quite frequent) it’s as if an imaginary starter pistol has gone off in his head. Every time I see him sprinting away, I feel as if he should be jumping hurdles and holding a baton in his hand.
Jessica Alba-Casino Girl
I really think Jessica Alba would have been great as a girl who lures men to lose their gambled money in the casinos by making them wish she would blow on their dice. I think she would be perfect for this because it’s not much different than what she’s doing now. Her gorgeous looks usually makes men gamble their money when they go to see the shitty films she’s in, because they still wish she would blow on their…dice.
Jason Statham-Race Car Driver
Many people who go see Jason Statham movies usually go to see him kick some ass. However, just like Jean Claude Van Damme is known for the obligatory shots of his ass during sex scenes in his action movies, Jason is also known for his obligatory high speed car chase sequences. Whether it’s driving through high rise buildings, tunnels, or shopping malls, Jason usually ends up unscathed. (No wonder he was cast in the ‘Death Race’ remake.) He could probably give Dale Earnhardt Jr. a run for his money.
Jessica Simpson-mannequin
Jessica Simpson has proven in her movies, ‘Employee of the Month’ and ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ that she is only capable of looking pretty. (Jesus, her wax replica at Madame Tussand’s embodies more life than she does!) Forget the ‘Pretty Woman’ remake…if Jessica was to star in a remake, I would recommend her to star in a remake to the cheesy eighties film, ‘Mannequin.’
Tyler Perry-“Dear Abby” columnist
Tyler Perry has blown up recently with his films like ‘Diary of a Mad Black Woman,’ ‘Why Did I get Married?’ and ‘Daddy’s Little Girls’ which all deal with solving relationships issues and becoming a stronger person in the process. I really feel this man could have a column for the helpful advice he offers through his films. He could even be in character: “Dear Madea.”
Kathleen Turner-Phone Sex Operator
Kathleen Turner has probably the most distinctive voice out of any celebrity, because her sultry voice is usually an instant aphrodisiac for men all around. (Seriously, I know about 3 of my guy friends who admitted to being a little turned on when she voiced Jessica Rabbit and was playing patty cake in ‘Who Framed Roger Rabbit?’) If she hadn’t become an actress, I’m pretty sure she would have been charging 3.99 a minute for sexy conversations.
Fifty Cent-President of the United States
Sorry, I’m just f*cking with you. I just wanted to see if you were paying attention! Ha!
William Shatner-William Shatner Impersonator
If William Shatner stopped acting after ‘Star Trek’ and ‘T.J Hooker,’ I’m pretty sure he still could have made a career out of his impersonating himself. He’s already used to playing himself in every film he’s in anyways.
Linda Fiorentino-Dominatrix
Wow, I know that suggestion sounds quite ludicrous, but hear me out. In almost every movie I’ve seen this actress in, (aside from ‘M.I.B’ and ‘Dogma’) she usually gives me the impression that she’s probably very controlling and most likely a sadist in bed. Hmm….come to think of it, I haven’t seen this actress onscreen in a LONG time. Maybe my dominatrix theory is not as ludicrous as I thought.
George Clooney-Thief
George Clooney is used to stealing scenes, stealing people’s breath away, and stealing tons money in his film roles. Why is he so attracted to these roles? All I have to say is this man would probably be rich if he hadn’t become an actor….whether he earned the money or not. ;)
Robert DeNiro-Mob boss
Well, geez isn’t it obvious? Robert Deniro has been in so many mob movies that sometimes I wonder if he actually is connected to the mafia.
So those are just a few of my guesses. What are some of yours?
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RE: George Clooney as Ronald
Reagan–with a brain. And probably more importantly, a social conscience. He comes from an
incredible gene pool–aunt Rosemary
and father, Nick.
What about all the funny actors like Adam Sandler and Will Farrell. What could they possibly be? Comedians? Well some of them are, but they play different funny roles in different movies. You can see the sweet and sensitive side of Adam Sandler. Will Farrell would be a stripper or streaker I should say!!
Alba would not be a good porn star. She’s too much of a prude to screw on-camera, and she doesn’t exude sex appeal like ScarJo or Jolie. Her upbringing has led to her prudish ways. She’s said before in interviews that sexual attention from men in her youth made her highly uncomfortable. She has yet to come to terms with her hotness, and with a baby on the way, I doubt that she ever will. Now she can use the kid as an excuse to stop doing sexed-up roles, much to her relief. I genuinely think she’s one of those chicks that wishes she was ugly, because she has no clue what to do with herself.
jessica alba porn star, because she isn’t talented enough to be a stripper.
@ Omar,
“well that was a little lazy.”
Umm….it was supposed to be funny and not taken too seriously. lol I don’t recall seeing Jessica Simpson play a mannequin or Jessica Alba a casino girl. Lighten up!
Very funny! How about Tom Hanks as a preacher? I can just picture it now…..
LOL
Have you even HEARD Kathleen Turner’s voice lately? Gone are the days of the sultry voice of Jessica Rabbit. LONG gone. Lately she sounds like an old man, thanks to her love of tobacco, I assume.
well that was a little lazy. Take film stars and put an occupation corresponding with their most prolific or most recent role.
Actually Jason Statham would probably be an Olympic swimmer (because he was) or a swimming coach.
Tyler Perry would be a minister or a right wing politician.
I think that Casino Girl-career might still happen for Jessica Alba after all.
George Clooney will be a great politician. He is handsome, beyond charming and seems bold and decisive. He will be Ronald Reagan with a brain.
Gerard Butler-My sex slave
Christian Bale-My sex slave
Dwayne Johnson-My sex slave
Hugh Jackman-My sex slave
I must disagree with Darren. For Lindsay Lohan, I would say probably a high dollar call girl. Of course I mean that in the nicest possible way…..actually….not really.
I look at Bruce Willis and I think construction worker, some type of physical labor.
Kurt Russell – Elvis impersonator, that was an easy one I think
Kevin Smith – best college professor ever
George Lucas – needs to grow the beard out more and he could be a good Santa Claus I think
“she usually gives me the impression that she’s probably very controlling and most likely a sadist in bed”
I wonder…ever see “The Last Seduction”, Serena…? Anyway, I always thought Lucy Liu as the dominatrix type. Consider her sexpot role in Play It To The Bone. Then…ever since that *groin breaking role* in Payback…there was the Charlie’s Angels films…Ecks vs Sever where she held a young pre-teen boy in a freakin’ cage and fed him bread and water…her brief role in Chicago where she goes back to her foot/knee to guy’s gems ways…and it that crapfest Rise Hunter? She had a upside down topless scene Hmmm…
Did you forget to mention that…
*Michael Beihn would be a Navy SEAL
*Sandra Bullock would be workin’ for the psychic hot lines and/or having a revival of the Psychic friends newtork
*Owen Wilson= surfer/professional beach bum
*Steven Seagal – works for Greenpeace. From Tibet.
*Lindsay Lohan = an actress.
AWESOME topic, Serena! Loads of fun, but I’m gonna change a couple of your thoughts to match what I think they’d be doing:
Clive Owen – male nanny (see the way he’s holding the baby? I guess that could pass for body-guard) LOL
Jessica Simpson – stripper, err sorry, exotic dancer. For sure…
Jason Statham – race car driver? Ya, for sure! But probably not Nascar! LOL
Tom Cruise – Too short to be a sprinter, so I’ll go with leader of a cult. Oh wait… He’s actually doing that, isn’t he? LOL
I totally agree with you on 50 Cent being the President. But only after getting involved with Obama. He’ll learn the ropes of office and call Obama his great mentor. Or maybe he’ll just sleep with Hillary in the Lincoln bedroom! LOL
Clooney – Totally agree. Shatner – Totally agree. DeNiro – Totally agree. Fiorantino? OH HELL’S YA! What’s her number? I’ve been a baaaad boy! LOL
OK. My own: Colin Farol – Cop (you have to have started as a bad boy to choose that profession – revenge is sweet!).
Will Farrel – Working the opposite corner that Eddie Murphy’s on! LOL
Tilda Swinton – She’s gonna replace that British nanny chick that kicks the American family back into shape. This woman scares me!
Carla Cugino – My wife… Let me tell ya. It would take a strong woman to keep me in line! LOL
Brian Blessed would be an Airport announcer or a football coach (something which requires a lot of shouting).
Eddie Murphy would be exactly as he appears at the start of ‘Trading Places’; homeless, desperate and pretending to have no legs for money.