First Lord of the Rings: Return of the King Reviews are up

Apparently, I’m not friends with the right people — I don’t really know what to make of these guys, sometimes I’m determined to think that some of them are making stuff up. — Other times, I wanna beat them up. As it seems, a few people have squeezed (I prefer “whored”) into LOTR: Return of the King almost three weeks before it opens. Losers.

Ain’t it Cool News has three LOTR: Return of the King reviews posted — a few of them are more cleverly written than others, but, no surprise – they all loved it. Jerks.

Here they Are: Read ’em if ya want, beware spoilers.

Review 1
Review 2
Review 3

I’m gonna go grumble a little bit more… It sure is a good thing I don’t care about seeing the wildly anticipated, Return of the King 3 weeks before anyone else – in a big theatre – in a special screening – just for me — I mean, that must’ve sucked. I’d rather be knitting. So there.

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14 thoughts on “First Lord of the Rings: Return of the King Reviews are up

  1. And so all good things come to an end. For three years in a row, Peter Jackson has banished our winter blues with the individual instalments of his Tolkien trilogy, effectively shifting the focus of our cinematic excitement from the summer months to the end of the year. But now that his epic has been unveiled in its entirety, what will be the lasting effects of his achievement?

    Well, grand-scale fantasy filmmaking is back on the menu, laying down the gauntlet to George Lucas and Star Wars Episode III. Jackson has also proved that notions of risk and ambition needn’t be confined to the low-budget, indie end of the spectrum; nor does California have an exclusive stranglehold on groundbreaking special effects. And then there’s the DVD factor. Just as The Lord Of The Rings was upping the stakes in theatres, so too was its DVD release pattern defining what can (and should) be done on disc for major movies. In particular, the four-disc extended editions seem to have affected the director’s thinking as to what he can get away with in his theatrical final cut. Hence the public grumbles from Christopher Lee about the non-appearance of Saruman in this final instalment. While it might have been fair to grant Lee a curtain call, Jackson quite rightly realises that it is Sauron, not Saruman, whose fiery eye encompasses all the narrative strands of the climax.

    The Return Of The King marks the first time in the series when Jackson’s roots as a horror filmmaker creep through. As the orcs catapult severed Gondorian heads beyond the walls of Minas Tirith, flesh-rotted ghosts draw swords alongside Aragorn and giant spider Shelob stalks Frodo through dark, web-shrouded tunnels, the film pushes the boundaries of its 12A certificate. And so it should, because the look and tone must necessarily grow darker as the Hobbits near Mount Doom and Mordor’s evil hand grips Middle-earth ever tighter.

    Viewed individually, the films have minor flaws that are barely worth a mention (certainly Frodo and Sam’s arguments over Gollum have now become repetitive). Taken together, however, Jackson’s visionary genius is as apparent in his incident-packed battle sequences as it is in his tender moments of love and friendship. In fact, it’s the emotionally honest performances by the entire cast that provide a solid base for the audience’s heads and hearts in the midst of all the fantasy make-believe and CGI splendour on show. Character nuances have been crafted over an unprecedented ten hours-plus of cinematic storytelling: from Strider lurking in the shadowy corner to Aragorn rallying the troops; from Merry and Pippin as bumbling fools to stout-hearted, pint-sized warriors. Only Legolas and Gimli seem to have regressed (in screen time at least) to set-piece archer and comedy sidekick respectively. At least Andy Serkis is rewarded for his Gollum voice work with an early flashback that gets his face on screen, as well as warning us that, under the ring’s power, Smeagol can be as murderous as Gollum.

    Jackson has kept the momentum of the series rolling on and on though the traditionally ‘difficult’ middle part and ‘weak’ finale, delivering a climax to the story that’s neater and more affecting than what Tolkien managed on the printed page. Some viewers might feel that the director sprinkles some cheese on his extended coda, adding at least one false ending too many (even if he does ignore the book’s Scouring of The Shire). But those who have walked beside these heroes every step of the way on such a long journey deserve the emotional pay-off as well as the action peaks, and they will be genuinely touched as the final credits roll. Yes, the Ring is dead. Long live King Kong.

    The resounding climax to a landmark in cinema history. But the King has now returned, the story is over and the ships are leaving Middle-earth. Ladies and gentlemen, Elvish has left the building.


    Issue 176 February 2004

  2. Peter Jackson… DUMB?!?

    After making the best trilogy of all time, which was a lot easier to market so that they can go back and do the Hobbit, and, with all of the legal issues involved, you say that?

    Dude, you are a dumbass.


  3. “A Hobbit movie would be very good, but it would have been better to release it before the lord of the rings trilogy. New Line and Peter Jackson are sooooooooooooooooo DUMB!!”

    Unbelievable. Get back to your ditch digging job you wanker.

  4. A Hobbit movie would be very good, but it would have been better to release it before the lord of the rings trilogy. New Line and Peter Jackson are sooooooooooooooooo DUMB!!

  5. I have just heard that Peter Jackson would like to do ‘The Hobbit’, he would love to get the rights to it but at the moment there is a problem in getting them. But if he was to do ‘The Hobbit’ it would be after King Kong has hit the screens!!

  6. Hahahaaa! I have not seen the extended cuts of either of the lord of the ring movies but i would like to very much. If Return of the King does go on for 3.5 hours, i won’t mind at all. If the movie is as good as either of the last two i probably won’t even move. Except to the edge of my seat…or to grab some tissues. Haha! I’m looking more forward to this movie then either of the last two and as much as christmas day. I know it will come out on DVD so i can see it again and again but i’m seriously going to feel VERY depressed when thoughs credits come up. Why?? Well this will probably be the last great movie for a while. A trilogy that featured friendship, loyalty and love is something that does not come out very often, or as strongly as this movie gave off to the audience out there. I have never read the books, only half of the fellowship of the ring…i’ve read the whole of the Hobbit which i highly recommend, but i bet you have already read it, haven’t you?? But still these movies are as special to me then as many of the book lovers. That is because i’m a GIANT movie fan and movies like these are a living treasure to me and i think they should be too many people out there.
    It’s not just because of the action or special effects but the story and the many themes that are shown. The action is the bonus! The characters are so realistic, so organic and fresh that it is a joy to see them on screen.
    I don’t know how Peter Jackson accomplished such a movie but he did with flying colours. Never has such a world been crafted to this level. To feel, smell and breath is a major height which this movie accomplishes. The scope is breathtaking and so is the cast and crew that somehow were able to craft such a movie…that it doesn’t feel like a movie…but as a real part of your life.

    Special thanks to the cast, crew and Peter Jackson who have made the greatest movies i have ever witnessed. Forever shall you be Lord of the rings!

  7. From what I see on IMDB, it actually DOES run 210 minutes. Holy crap. that’s 3.5 hours. – that’s a half hour longer than the Two Towers — or roughly the same length as the extended cut.

    The Extended Cut of Return of the King will likely be a week long.

  8. WOW! The reviews are right there and i don’t know if I should read them. But i want to know what it is like, so badly. The temptation to reading the reviews are overwhelming, all I have to do is click and then the reviews would be there shining in all it’s glory. Actualy i don’t think that somehow. Is it true that return of the king runs on for 210 minutes??

  9. What do you mean you haven’t seen it. There was a VIP showing at the Broadway in Saskatoon on Wednesday….

    Ok… I couldnt even keep a straight face through that one… you know we don’t get any special perks when it comes to movies out here… heck.. some movies dont ever get played.

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