Nocturna Review

Director: Bud Alexander

Writer: Bud Alexander

Stars: Mike Doyle, Estella Warren, Billy Blair

Genre: Horror, Thriller

Synopsis:  Two New Orleans detectives become embroiled in a centuries-long feud between two secretive factions of vampires while investigating a runaway child’s case. Torn between their everyday lives and the dangerous lure of immortality, the detectives must race to destroy the evil Moldero clan

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Have you ever watched a movie that was so amazing that you couldn’t go to sleep that night? You stay up staring at the ceiling thinking about the twist and turns, and how this is probably the best film you have seen all year, even in the last two years. Yeah, Nocturna is not that movie. It’s an aborted fetus of a vampire flick that should have never seen the light of day (no pun intended). I’ll go on the record saying, that this is the worst movie I have seen all year, hell in the last two years. I don’t even know where to begin with this travesty? Let’s start with the acting (if I can even call it that). Every actor and actress gave absolute zero f*&ks into this movie, no exaggeration. The term mailing it in was invented for these types of movie. Mike Doyle was terrible.  He’s not a good actor to begin with, but he’s at least serviceable. The guy who played his partner Danny Agha was honestly unbearable! He always looked out of place. He kept staring into the camera, and I’m confident he was reading his lines. The main antagonist was the most non-intimidating person I have ever seen in my life. He was more like anti-intimidating. Five foot Gothic vampires are not scary. I don’t care what anyone says.

Yes, he gets beat throughout the whole movie.

Everyone else were below serviceable, but above crap – if that make any sense. The cinematography was okay. I know they had a budget of an after school program, so I can’t rip on them that hard. Most shots were bad, but they had a few good ones. I’m not even gonna lie. Plus, the way that Buz Alexander wrote the film didn’t require much anyways. So, I’ll give them a pass on that one. The plot was weaker than their acting, if you could believe it. Every twist and turn would have you thinking “that doesn’t make sense, you could just do this.”

Let me specifically take a second to talk about the Vampires because that’s the only reason why I watched the movie. These Vampires were the most generic, cookie cutter, copyrighted infringement blood suckers I have ever seen. When I watch a dark fantasy movie such as Vampires, Werewolves, Mummies, Frankenstein, etc … I look to see what they can bring to the mythos. And, what’s their take on the genre. Nocturna had one original idea.  Spoiler Warning (but not really because it adds nothing to the film): If you read the synopsis, you know the bad guys in this movie is the Moldero clan. Do you know why they are bad because they are sick. Do you know what their sickness is??? They can only drink kid’s blood -_-. This raises the following questions:

• Is adult blood any different from the blood of children?
• Don’t both clans kill people regardless? So,does it really matter?
• Does the “good” vampire only drink adult blood?

Among many, many more other questions. Spoiler finish. 

For the most part, the action scenes weren’t too bad, given the genre and the nature of the film. Who am I kidding? The fights were worst than Pearl Harbor. Because, if we are being honest, Vampire action sucks (once again, no pun intended). There’s a close up shot of them showing their fangs and hissing a little bit. A punch here, a kick there, maybe a weapon, and someone dies. Nothing new, nothing spectacular, just the same old generic horse shit. Which I will never understand about these afterschool sci-fi specials such as this.  Afterschool sci-fi specials are not held by any decent standards of the studio nor do they include the feelings of fans.  You can make your own unique idea. Screen writers can write loosely and allow their imagination to go as wild as he or she wants. But, yet we are bombarded with these mediocre and frankly disrespectful films.

In conclusion, Nocturna is a good movie to watch … NEVER. I don’t care if you are drunk, high, depressed, bored, or passing kidney stones. Hands down, this is the worst movie I have seen all year. It is worst than Pixels, Paul Blaurt: Mall Cop 2, and Fan4stic. Vampire movies like these make me miss the Twilight Saga (pun intended).

 

 

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