The Movie Blog’s 10 Worst Films of 2006

I think most people agree that 2006 was a horrible year for film. Oh, there were a few bright spots (see my post tomorrow for the Best Films of 2006), but overall it was a year we should quickly forget.

Usually, it’s harder to put together a “best” list than a “worst” list, but not this year. This year there was so much crap it was difficult to pick just 10 to represent our pick for the absolute worst (wide release) films of 2006. These are in no particular order, except the #1 worst film of the year. And the “winners” are:

The #1 Worst Film of 2006 is:

Worst-Lady.jpgLady in the Water embodies the downfall of M. Night Shyamalan and all the things that led to it. Without a doubt the most self absorbed, self serving and self praising piece of cinematic garbage to dirty the screen this year. What starts off with a promising concept and mythology, quickly gets flushed down the toilet with witless banter, massive logic jumps, poor story telling all of which was almost drowned out by the loud sound of M. Night patting himself on the back. A total mess from start to finish, Lady in the Water shows us what can happen when a director without all that much credits to his name starts believing all his own press. Easily, the worst film of 2006.
And the rest in no particular order:
Worst-Little-Man.jpgLittle Man – The mind boggling question of “How the hell does they Wayans brothers continue to get studios to green light their projects” quickly turns into “Why the hell do people actually spend money on seeing Wayans brothers crap movie after crap movie?” You can’t really blame the studios when this pile of crap makes almost $60 million at the boxoffice. The blame squarely lies with us… the movie going audience. All I can say, is that not once… not one single time did I even come close to cracking a smile during this horrible movie. Come to think of it, the whole audience I saw it with only had mild giggling throughout it. Bad bad bad movie, and thanks to all of us idiots who went to see it, there will probably be another one.

Worst-Stay-Alive.jpgStay Alive – When the synopsis of a movie reads: “For a group of teens, the answer to the mysterious death of their old friend lies within the world of an online video game based on the true story of an ancient noblewoman known as the Blood Countess.” you should probably know well enough to stay away. Sadly for many of us, we weren’t smart enough to heed the warning. It’s bad enough that all video game movies suck balls… but they take it to a new level when it’s a video game playing movie about a game that doesn’t even exist. To this day I don’t even know if the movie was one of the worst horror films of all time… or a Saturday Night Live joke skit that lasted 90 minutes. Maybe if the guy at the end jumped up and sang “It’s my dick in a box” it would have been more enjoyable. I’m still amazed some studio gave this thing the go ahead… and how they didn’t have the smarts to just make it direct to DVD when it was done. My brain still hurts this movie sucked so much.

Worst-benchwarmers.jpgBenchwarmers – Believe it or not, deep down there was a part of me that was really hoping Benchwarmers would show us that Jon Header wasn’t just a one trick pony and one hit wonder with Dynamite. That maybe it was possible for David Spade to pull himself back out of the slide he was in, and return to being funny again. That maybe Rob Schneider would do SOMETHING worth watching (the guy hasn’t been funny a day in his life). The trailers made me grin, and I thought maybe… just maybe this could be that movie. Nope. It’s wasn’t. A pathetic movie whose best moments were when none of Header Spade or Schneider were on the screen. An unfunny waste of time that only proved yet again Jon Heder has nothing to him, Spade is done like dinner and Schneider never was anything in the first place after leaving SNL.

Worst-The-Return.jpgThe Return – Will someone please tell Sarah Michelle Gellar that having once been Buffy the Vampire Slayer doesn’t cut it anymore and that she needs to start doing some project worth doing before she totally falls off of everyones radar? I mean come on. This film has the distinction of being the single most BORING movie I’ve ever had the displeasure of watching in my entire life. NOTHING HAPPENS IN THIS MOVIE. Ever. Not until the very end when we see a car crash… and by that point no one cared anymore. The film was marketed as if it was some spooky horror flick… when really it’s not a horror at all. Bad movie, with bad and misleading marketing with a horrible performance by Gellar. Never ever ever see The Return.

Worst-Silent-Hill.jpgSilent Hill – The next film in a long and glorious line of video game movies that totally suck ass. I don’t know which was more sad… this movie… or some fans of the game who desperately tried to convince themselves they actually thought the movie was “ok”. It wasn’t “ok”. It wasn’t even just a “little bad”. This movie rotted like bad meat in the Las Vegas sun. Some really horrible effects work, bad acting (except for perhaps Sean Bean) all in a movie that tried so bloody hard to be spooky that it just came off as laughable. Don’t bother with this film, it’ll just give you bad dreams of all the other cool things you COULD have been doing with your time and the money you wasted.

Worst-Underworld-Evolution.jpgUnderworld: Evolution – It’s difficult to say that ANYTHING with Kate Beckinsale wearing tight black leather was anything but marvelous… but sorry to say Underworld Evolution was just so bad that even Kate couldn’t save it from this list. I liked the first Underworld although it didn’t live up to it’s potential. I (and many other people) held out the hope that part 2 could improve upon what was good in the first one and make a really great fun action film. That didn’t happen. instead we got more of the stuff that made the first film weak. Hell, at least the first film had two FANTASTIC bad guys in Viktor (played brilliantly by Bill Nigh) and Lucian. What did this movie give us??? Stupid geeky looking Marcus and his dumb wolf brother?!?! Such a missed opportunity. Oh well, I guess we can always hope for better in Underworld 3.

Worst-Fast.jpgThe Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift – Here’s today’s lesson kiddies. Just because you like cars, and a movie is about cars… that doesn’t mean the movie is good. Just because you like dancing, and a particular movie has good dancing in it… that doesn’t mean it’s a good movie. How the fuck did FF3 even get CONSIDERED let alone actually made into a movie is totally beyond me. A film franchise with none of the characters from either of the previous 2 wretched films, set in a totally different country, wtih some of the WORST acting I’ve ever seen all mixed in with LAUGHABLE CGI effects that come to us via 1998 quality. The saddest part about this movie is that there will probably be another one… god have mercy on us. Just bring the next flood.

Worst-Scary.jpgScary Movie 4 – Haha… oh look, he’s got a big hard on. Haha… oh look, it looks like the one guy is touching the other guy’s balls. Haha, oh look, the blind girl is taking a dump in a room she thinks is a bathroom, but it’s not and there are lots of people watching her. Oh wow, this is soooooo funny. Welcome to North America… and people wonder why experts are telling us Asian countries are going to be dominating everything in the next couple of generations.

Worst-Ice-Age.jpgIce Age 2 – The first Ice Age movie wasn’t all that bad… it was even cute at times. However, this sequel just sucks. Some people try to defend it by saying “What are you expecting? It’s a kids movie”! To them I just say, Toy Story was a kids movie too… except it was a good movie. Finding Nemo was a kids movie, but it was a GOOD movie. Monsters Inc. was a kids movie, but it was a GOOD movie. Since when did we just accept that kids movies can’t also be GOOD movies too? Where the first one was cute, this one was stupid. Where the first one was funny, this one was boring. Farts and trips only go so far. Man, I wish they just made a movie with that damn squirrel… it would have been a lot more entertaining than this nonsense.

So there you have it folks, The Movie Blog’s list of the 10 worst films of 2006. Feel free to hop in the comments section and leave your thoughts. What films would you NOT have on that list? Which films do you think I should have included?

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67 thoughts on “The Movie Blog’s 10 Worst Films of 2006

  1. Stay alive had no shock it was pretty typical the nerd and the main character are the only one to survive and the other girl, because all the other hot people are the idiots that die first. An I wont be surprised if there a sequel on another viedo game killing people causing rapid deaths.

  2. i agree with the list but little man and scary movie four are just fun movies they may be childish,but they arent supposed to be oscar worthy

  3. You guys forgot to ad Mission Impossible 3. All of those movies are boring. Matter of fact Tom Cruise is boring period. Don’t also forget about Rocky Balboa. Who in the hell told Sly Stallone he could fight a 20 something year young man at the age of 65. The movie did not look believable enough.

  4. I also enjoyed Silent Hill, Benchwarmers, Stay Alive, and The Return. Silent Hill was chaotic and weird. Benchwarmers actually made me laugh. Stay Alive had great visuals. It was a fun movie to watch. The Return is a thinking movie. It doesn’t have the scares, but it does have a creepiness factor. Scary Movie 4 is by far the worst movie of 2006. I laughed maybe twice during this movie. At least the Saw series puts the sucky sequel theory to shame.

  5. While I haven’t seen most of the movies on your list, I have a hard time believing any of them could have been worse than Crank…
    easily and argueably the worst film of all time.

  6. I think…Date movie was the worst movie i had ever seen and alongwith that i would like to mention X-Men 3 too!!It was terrible!!Though i liked Tokyo Drift but the list is pretty correct to mention it’s choices of the worst films of 2006!!Silent Hill and Stay Alive were horrible…never try to watch these movies…never!!Underworld:Evolution was also the greatest dissappointment in 2006!!

  7. I liked silent hill. Don’t think it deserves a bad spot like this. But then again you though the descent was excellent and I did’t. I guess it must scare the hell out of claustrophobiacs.

  8. I agree with almost every one on that list. I wished Clerks 2 made it though, as I laughed sincerely only once throughout the movie. Tokyo Drift was a joke and I managed to stay away from Lady in the Water, so maybe I had a good year.

  9. Here’s where my job is better than yours-I rented lady in the Lake-watched 15 minutes and new it was goingt to be torture.

    Every other movie on your list I could see were going to be shit and I didn’t have to waste more time on them other than any trailers I was forced to watch-or commercials on tv. Come on-you knew they would be terrible-and they were.

    Lucky Me

  10. I will be in minority here. John, I mostly agree with your listand would add some titles myself, but there is one movie I would not put in this list, at least together with the listed ones – Lady in the Water.

    I just do not understand what you guys do not like in this movie? The screenplay? Whats wrong with it? Plot holes? what plot holes? The plot here is not about being precise, its about getting the idea to the people and a very good idea and there are no holes in the message of the movie and this message is delivered.

    CGI? whats wrong with CGI? This movie was not made to surprise the audience with special effects.

    Too many twists? well, twists are the trademark of MNS.

    Its not real? Well, noone said it should look real. It is a fairy tale! and towards the end MNS gives us couple of injections of real life, but abandons it again to get back to HIS story, the story he wrote to his daughters, the story with a message.

    Now why would someone give money to MNS make a movie based on his unreal story? why not? it is a good story.

    Why did director himself took such a big part in his own movie? why not? whats wrong with playing a role in your own movie? Its not an Oscar performance, but beats performances of many so called Actors that get kudos lately. Playing in your own movie does not mean a bad movie.

    It does not live up to MNS’s previous work? yes, but this does not make it a bad movie.

    Yes, Departed is the best movie of 2006, period. Its even one of the best movies I have ever seen in a decade, period. It should get Oscar and not just one. LITW will not get any awards and it should not. But it is not a movie to be put in the list of top tem worst movies of the year.

    Saying its a crap and garbage is not enough for me. Could someone explain what exactly makes LITW the worst movie of 2006? (but please do not give me “if you dont know, dont ask” answers). Thank you.

  11. I’ve only seen 4 of those movies on the list(Ice Age 2, Stay Alive, FF: Tokyo Drift and Scary Movie 4).

    I would also include the following:

    -Eragon;
    -Half Light;
    -The Pink Panther(the new Steve Martin version);

  12. I HAVEN’T SEEN ALL THE MOVIES ON YOUR LIST EXCEPT FOR SILENT HILL AND UNDERWORLD:EVOLUTION.I AGREE WITH YOU ABOUT SILENT HILL BUT YOUR DEAD WRONG ABOUT UNDERWORLD.I’VE SEEN A LOT OF MOVIES THAT WERE TEN TIMES WORST THAN UNDERWORLD.THE PLOT WAS GREAT AND SO WAS THE ACTING.SO WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH UNDERWORLD?I LOVE BOTH MOVIES,SO MUCH THAT I OWN BOTH ON DVD.SO WHAT DIDN’T THEY GIVE YOU THAT YOU THOUGHT THEY WOULD?

  13. I completely agree with all of those movies besides FF3. Yeah, the movie was bad, but it wasn’t painfully bad like the others on the list. I thought that the Holiday was WAY worse than FF3.

  14. The CGI in FF3 (according to Justin Lin’s AC) had mostly to do with varied Los Angeles footage to mix in with Toyko footage and the final race. The CGI I thought you were talking about was the drfting sequences before the end race.

    Oh, if it makes anyone feel better, I rented this on DVd and did not, nor intend to, buy it.

    Donovan: Supercross was 2005, but that was so horrid it could make a 2006 list, along with Whirly Girl.

  15. I agree.

    John, your unreasonable feud against Silent Hill is clouding your judgement.

    Also, Date Movie was is a mandatory choice for any worst of 2006 list.

    My personal choices would include: X-Men 3, United 93, Final Destination 3 and Just My Luck.

  16. I agree with most, but..

    IMHO Silent Hill was awesome! Especially compared to other video game based movies, but also standing for itself. Honestly, I liked the CGI and the acting matched. Hell, the female police officer’s walk style was exactly as in the second game title..

  17. Pretty good list John, although with the exception of “Lady in the Water”, I’m not sure anyone expected the films you listed to be *good* in the first place (save for maybe Silent Hill which I though might have had a shot based on it’s pedigree). I’m not going to argue the merits of Lady in the Water (I liked it). Those that bought into the film had fun with it, those that had a hard time suspending belief and getting past the ego “controversy” didn’t. That’s OK. Not everything has to be liked by everybody.

  18. I guess I’m in the vast minority, but on my second viewing, I still think Lady in the Water is perhaps Shyamalan’s best film and certainly not one of the worst of the year. I don’t see any of the back-patting that Night is supposedly doing with this film. It’s just the typical Shyamalan broken-man-finds-redemption story set against a modern fairytale. It was childish and guileless, but all stories set in that genre fall apart if you think about them. I also found it to be sweet and moving.

    Can you honestly say you would rate Lady In the Water as a worse film than Little Man if you had never heard of M Night Shyamalan going into the theatre?

  19. Hey Darren,

    You said:

    “John Campea is shockingly wrong here. The film didn’t use any CGI.”

    What movie were you watching???? There was HORRIBLE CGI effects in that movie. And take a look at the IMDB… there are almost 200 3D CGI efects artists who worked in FF3, including the massive VFX company Rythem and Hughes. There was TONS of bad bad bad CGI in that flick.

  20. I’ve alwasy thought “you can tell a lot about a person by the kinds of movies they favor”
    and the people who like the movies that were on this list, the people that would actually purchase these movies and own them so they can see them again, well, I do not associate with those people.
    it may sound harsh but thats how i roll.

    Peace out John, that was a good list!

    and bye the way, all you trying to defend lady in the water because shyamalan directed other awesome movies? the sixth sense and unbreakable and signs may have been awesome but it doesnt change the fact that lady in the water blew fart bubbles! ahah sorry i had to laugh at that. Ok the movie sucked! its ok, it doesnt mean that all of shyamalans movies will be bad from this point forward. all the greats have had bad movies. It happens, but you know how fast people get over things? hell, people are already getting over tom cruise and are focusing more on donald trump and rosie, there’s always something new to attack and feed off of, hell i think i read someones comment about Johns typo in his list, like gimme a break. but you know what, i dont even remember bad movies, i just remember the good. i’m erasing lady in the water from my head and just remember his other fantastic films. so stop with the bitching and whining and moaning and groaning and start to think about all the good films that came out this year and compare it to this list before you really want to defend garbage. If you are so touchy on your favorite movie being on the top 10 WORST movies list then maybe you should started watching and appreciating movies such as “The Departed” and “Blood Diamond” and “Children of Men” That is all.

  21. 2006 was not a horrible year it was an okay year and i have only seen 2 movies on that list and they were silent hill and benchwarmers and they were crap but i heard other things from the other movies and heard not good things. but where is bloodrayne that was crap or superman returns that was crap.

  22. There is so many movies that are worse then those ten, underworld 2 was better then the 1st and they were both very good, same with silent hill, tokyo drift. Scary movie 4 wasnt the best but ill say it was a whole lot better then the 3rd. here is some movies that should of went up there.

    supercross the movie, bring it on all or nothing, and ultraviolet

  23. whew, i’m glad i missed all those movies. the only one that i spent money on was underworld and that was a rental. i saw bits of lady in the water during a flight but the crew members turned it off because it was not age appropriate. ha. i’m sure some anal mom was the cause of that, but i guess i should thank her for sparing the passengers.

  24. ” LAUGHABLE CGI effects that come to us via 1998 quality.” – Fast And The Furious 3 Tokyo Drift

    John Campea is shockingly wrong here. The film didn’t use any CGI. Unless Justin Lin, the director, is lying in his director commentary. It’s also actually the best of the three films.

    Now, you might also expect I would defend Silent Hill…but like I said previously, the film itself for me worked, despite playing up to (and kissing up to?) a strict fanbase. However, like I also said previously, it’s like well…well, for example, you hear a song on the radio and love the crap out of it. By the time you heard it 20 times, you can’t take it anymore and wondered what the hell you were thinking at the time you first heard it. Maybe you twisted the cap of your soda and got a free pop. maybe you just got a raise, or had a happy thought while driving. Who knows. But now you want to smash your radio.
    Is that a good comparison?

    My list ?

    * The Marine

    *The Libertine

    *LAKE HOUSE

    *Lady In The Water

    *The Hills Have Eyes

    *Texas Chainsaw The Beginning

    *Death Of A President

    *UnderWorld Evolution

    *Larry The Cable Guy

    *The DaVinci Code

  25. I would also like to add to the list –

    Basic Instinct 2
    Fur
    John Tucker Must Die
    Garfield 2
    Black Christmas
    Deck the Halls
    and I second the nomination of The Wicker Man remake.

    Every one of those movies were worse than Lady in the Water.

  26. These films are all pretty obvious choices..a bit like shooting fish in a barrel…what about picking a movie like “The Cave of the Yellow Dog”?..it gets my vote..

  27. No way was Lady in the Water the worst film of the year absolutely not, that’s just crazy talk. Okay okay… we get it you think the guy is overrated. Consider this the guy has only really been directing since 1992, he is only 36 years old and he has written and directed Signs, Unbreakable, and The Sixth Sense. He may be having a hard time following up those films. But those are some fantastic films, so yeah maybe it is a little egotistical to be so predominantly placed in Lady in the Water with this hero character that will save the world. Yes the film was not up to the standard of some of his previous films. In fact a lot of people thought Lady in the Water sucked, but man you sure jump on this guy a lot.

    I am not saying the movie wasn’t a let down, but worst movie of the year… come on Benchwarmers got and 11% on Rotten Tomatoes and The Wicker Man got a 14% and oh my God, Stay Alive got a 6%… It got a freaking 6% John. Rethink this list, I know part if the fun is you make these statement and then we get to disagree but I truly think in rare form this time you did not have the correct movie opinion.

    I want a recount :P

  28. I liked Underworld: Evolution. Actually, I really liked it.
    Lady in the Water wasnt as bad as it was made out to be. Easily the Sham-Hammer’s worst film but not as bad as I thought it would be.
    Tokyo Drift was entertaining due to how ridiculously silly it was.

    Other than that, I agree with your list.

    I must also point out the fact that Bloodrayne was by far the worst movie of the year.

  29. Is everyone insane?!?!?!?!?!?! Where the fuck did somebody decide to let Uwe Boll off the hook from this list~!? Man, on cable, I saw this movie for 3 minutes and realized I was better off not even taking a peak!

    Well, I see most movies in 2007 looking good. Those movies better not dissapoint; They won’t like me when I’m angry (just like the fans were for Hulk).

  30. Lady In The Water was by no means horrible. It wasn’t Night’s best. Perhaps it didn’t meet expectations. It wasn’t bad enough to warrant the type of negative attention it received. I was able to enjoy it for what it was.

  31. Pretty spot on list, Campia. Lets hope Hollywood got all the manure out of their system this year, so we can look forward to a 2007 filled with endless movie magic. Oh, and the Shamhammer is a shoo-in for the Razzies this year. Though I don’t see him and his ego having the balls to accept it in person. =/

  32. After John blasted ‘Lady’ before I saw it, I thought he was just showing some bias, but then I saw it. It totally sucked.

    I liked Silent Hill. what’s up with that?

  33. John, you say it was difficult to pick just 10, so I’d like to see a list of some of the bad movies that didn’t make your list. Of your list, I only saw Lady in the Water, The Benchwarmers, and Ice Age 2. The rest I can recognize as avoidable movies. :)

    I personally don’t think this was a “horrible year for film,” though I may only be focusing on the good films I remember. I understand you’re looking forward to Pan’s Labyrinth, so does that mean you’ll see it tomorrow before compiling your list of the best films?

  34. Listen Joel Cohen, you’re an idiot. I read through these posts and comments to get the chat on the topic, not your frigging grammar nazi input. If you can’t get what it was he was trying to say, then you’re officially mentally retarded. Talk about the topic, or keep the fuck out here and stop wasting everyones time.

    On topic, I don’t know how on earth you can put Benchwarmers in there. I know it wasn’t the best comedy of all time or anything, but it did make me laugh. I just think there were a lot of other movies that deserve to be in it’s spot. The rest of the list I can agree with you on.

  35. I just think it’s funny that the movies you panned end up in your Google Ads section. This movie sucked, but you can buy it now on DVD!

    Ahh, the things that amuse me.

  36. oh, please. How in the world can you put Underworld on the list and not Bloodrayne, which really sucked, sucked, sucked! Underworld was at least fun, with Bloodrayne I wanted to cut my eyes out and cut off my ears. Ice age 2 was fun IMO, not as good as the first one, but still I dont thinks it deserves to be on the list. The rest I didnt even bother seeing.

  37. ‘Lady in the Water shows us what can happen when a director without all that much credits to him name starts believing all his own press.’

    Do you speak Englih Campea?

  38. I liked Scary Movie 4 and didn’t feel Underworld: Evolution was a BAD movie. I agree with the rest though. I’ve never seen any of the Fast and the Furious movies, and lord willing I never will..

  39. i have to say i’ve only seen about 3 of the movies on there and i didnt mind it so much. there have to be worst movies than some of the top 10 on there. like babz said ultraviolet had to be the worst movie of 06(or was it made in 05 so that’s why it didnt make it?) or of all time for that matter. i’m vietnamese and i’ve enough asian movies to figure out wat asian language was wat until i heard milla jovovich speak watever random jibberish that came out. i was so confused and trying to figure out wat she said until the viet gangsters spoke and right then and there i turn the movie off. i was so mad. sorry for the rant. but yea i watched the rest and movie was horrible. i felt that the cgi was done by a 4yr old. horrible just horrible

  40. Of those listed, Ive seen Underword: Evolution and Fast and Furiouser Tokyo Drift. I have to admit I enjoyed them both. Dont get me wrong, they were bad, but they were fun/bad as opposed to bad/bad. I still want to see Lady in the Water cuz I really do enjoy Shyamalans stuff, even if he is a weirdo that makes fake documentaries about himself.

  41. I agree with a lot on the list. I liked Silent Hill though. I’m suprised Grudge 2 isn’t on that list. I got to see a staff showing of it before the week of release. When watching Grudge 2 I was praying the projection to break down or for a fire to break out so I would have an excuse to leave. It was 12 and I had no way home until 2am so I couldn’t go anywhere else.

  42. 2006 sucked. way too many “Text Here” films.
    Hell any title with a number after it!
    scary movie 54, silent hill 14, CGI toon 12.
    To quote “Spaceballs”:
    “God willing there will be Spaceballs 2: The Search for more Money.”

  43. On that lsit i have seen Underworld, Lady in the Water, Silent Hill, Ice Age 2 and i kinda liked all of them. I have nothing really negative to say about Underworld or LAdy in the Water, i felt Silent Hill was a great movie until the last act when it totally fell apart and even though Ice Age was an okay movie it lacked something it’s prequel had.

    Now Stay Alive was bad. I think the premise of the movie wa good, but it’s eecution was absolutley horrendous. It was suppsoed to be a scary movie, i was just bored

  44. 2006 was the best year since 2002, which was the best since 1999. My tp 10 of the year are my favorite top 10 since then, and my bottom 10 was also difficult to assemble because I had to grasp for movies that had some good qualities instead of being entirely crap like in 2005.

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