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Why Women Need To Stop Watching Romantic Movies
I’ve noticed something over the years with my girl friends who are single or who are not happy in their relationships. They LOVE watching romantic comedies and dramas. One phrase you can pretty much guarantee hearing when you have a girl’s night in watching romantic movies that all star anyone who has grazed the cover of People’s ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ issue is, “Why can’t I meet a guy like that?” Well ladies, it’s because…THERE ARE NONE. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not a man-hater. I’m just saying movies depict men in an unrealistic way, therefore causing many women to have unrealistically high expectations of what makes a good boyfriend/husband. So, I thought I would make up a list and point out the many movie myths when it comes to the male gender.
1. WE EXPECT OUR PRINCE CHARMING TO LOOK LIKE BRAD PITT
Okay, let’s start with the easy one first. In movies, women always usually fall for the handsome lead. Thus, causing women in real life to use that celebrity or character as a basis of comparision regarding their own relationships. As much as I would love to be taken by Boris Kodjoe, it’s most likely not going to happen.
2. MEN DO NOT SPEAK IN MONOLOGUES PROFESSING THEIR LOVE TO YOU
In almost every romantic comedy or drama I’ve seen, the male lead will usually profess his undying love to the female lead (usually after a huge fight or temporary breakup) in these long and lengthy speeches that make Hamlet’s soliloquies look short, and that also usually make most womens’ hearts melt. Movies like ‘Disturbia,‘ ‘Jerry Maguire,’ and ‘Chasing Amy’ are all notorious for this. This causes many women to get depressed, because usually the closest thing a woman gets to getting a man to profess their love to her is when he gives her(voluntarily) the last chicken wing off his plate.
3. BEING A CONSTANT BITCH WILL NOT MAKE THE GUY WANT YOU MORE
Tell me if this sounds familiar. Boy meets girl. Girl is repulsed by boy. Boy keeps hounding girl. Girl eventually caves in and falls for once repulsive boy. Movies like ‘One Fine Day,’ ‘Something New,’ ‘Six Days and Seven Nights‘ and many others have all had female leads that literally treat the men like sh*t, and yet the men STILL pursue the women after being constantly rejected by them. Girls, let me tell that although playing hard to get and having a little attitude may help you catch a guy, treating the object of your affection like sh*t will get you nothing more than a “angry booty call” out of him.
4. FIRST TIME SEX IS NEVER AS GOOD AS IT LOOKS ON FILM
In the obligatory sex scenes in romantic movies, we usually see two bodies mesh in a perfectly choreographed way and the woman always has the most intense orgasm. We usually forget the first time with someone usually involves awkward positions and “shortcomings.” (If you catch my drift)
5. DO NOT EXPECT GRAND GESTURES
A few years ago, I got mad at my long term boyfriend at the time because he hadn’t done anything romantic for me. (i.e. Grand f*cking Gestures) How I longed for him to serenade me off key like Jerry O’ Connell and Adam Sandler did for their ladies in ‘Scream 2′ ( yup..even horror films are guilty of this) and ‘The Wedding Singer.’ Or for him to even carry me out of my workplace like Richard Gere carried Debra Winger out of the factory in ‘An Officer and a Gentleman.’ I remember him being angry at me after that…because I hadn’t appreciated all the little things he had done that were so much more important. :(
6. HE WILL NOT CHASE YOU IN THE RAIN
In fact he probably won’t chase you period. How many movies have you seen where the couple onscreen get into a fight, and the woman runs away, and the man catches up with her and turns her around to give her a passionate kiss? (I’ve lost count after ‘The Notebook.’) Let me tell you, that hardly happens. The only passionate thing I’ve gotten when I storm off after a fight is the finger.
7. HE WILL NOT RUIN YOUR WEDDING
I remember years ago I went to a psychic and they had told me that the man I loved was going to stop my wedding in the future. It was then, I realized I was getting jipped. Every woman has probably daydreamed in their lifetime about the one true love of their life stopping their wedding (like they do in the movies) and driving off on their motorcycle, (never understood that) and living happily ever after. Honestly, if that fantasy were to happen, it wouldn’t go down like that. You would probably be surrounded by debt (due to the costs of the wedding you skipped out on) and probably living in some remote place due to the fact that your jilted groom has probably put a hit on you and your “one true love.” Isn’t it just romantic? (Now I really hope the psychic is going to be wrong!)
Although our relationships may not seem as glamourous as they do in the movies, women (or the women around me at least) need to realize a man does not need to wear a cape or ride a valiant steed to be our hero or knight in shining armor. Honestly, forget movies’ perception of men, and deal with men for how they are and not how you would like them to be. If men did the same thing women did when watching their action movies, they would expect us to have perfect hair and make-up 24/7, an incurable sexual desire, and no PMS.
That’s just my take on the subject. Are there any other movie myths I’m leaving out?
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Serena….you’re brilliant! You have officially brought a tear to my eye and I can’t thank you enough. As well, one thing you can add to the good hair and make-up 24/7 is that when the girl gets all soaked from rain or whatever, the make-up never smears at all and they’re never wearing a bra underneath their shirt. Just kidding…..or am I? :-) Thanks Serena!
I object a cpl of these lol.
@ #3) Being a bitch can make a dude want her more, I would know, I was a dumbass dude in the shoes chasing a chick treatin me like shit… why am I admitting this? i dunno i jus am.
@ #1) There could be those type of dudes out there for yall, jus like my buddies always tell me “they all scandolous”. Now of course all the ones I have met are of course, but I’m sure there are a few that aren’t. Sometimes it jus depends on the person they’re with as to how they will treat their partner.
I laughed for 10 minutes after reading this:
“The only passionate thing I’ve gotten when I storm off after a fight is the finger.”
This was a really good topic, it also swings the same way with guys too and movies perception of what the girls on mens dreams are. In truth the only guy or girls that act like they do in the movies are the biggest bunch of scum because they use peoples own fantasys to get what they want.
Grave is right. It’s the same how women are portrayed too. Not too many prostitutes look like Julia Roberts…..not that I know any to begin with.
#6) Right on! If anyone here can give a situation where it was even REMOTELY like that I will see to it John Campea gives them $5,000!
Come on John we know your good for it! ;-)
Well, men want what they cant have, thats why we chase the ones that are bitches and push us away, when we do however get the one we want, we have built her up to something so god like that it may never last past the “booty-call” …I suppose women have the same senario…
No sane man with any pride ever chase after a ex- AT HER WEDDING! ITS CALLED STALKING! I could go on but don’t think its necessary
Running in the rain, maybe, depends on the woman, and situation…I am 90% certain I would for the ‘one’…
Funny thing about #1, a study was done and women have said that they would have ‘one-nighters’ with guys that look buff-Brad Pitt-model like guys but wouldn’t marry them. Women want guys that don’t make them feel insecure about themselves, a guy thats flawless makes them feel ugly..?…(hard to please?) Plus women want a guys that won’t mind their women or wives with varrying weight/physic over time in a marrage – a guy thats flawless (Pitt) would soon loose intrest in a wife in due time because of such, and seek something more too his ideals/standards. Depends on the person(s) points of views.
Love and insanity are sooo close and hand to hand with each other, love makes some guys profess monologues that sound great in their head, but (depending on the woman and situations) women ‘hear’ insanity/obsessed crazy guy and head for the hills…visa-versa. Its amazing the human species even procreate…(not always, but quite often) Now this KEEPS us from doing so – inorder to keep them (men or women) from running and screaming. Sane guys won’t do this untill their vows on the wedding day, the love crazed loonies do, and I don’t like being mistaken for one.
Last thougts…Sex usually involves boose….calms everyones nerves for the first time ‘jungle fever’ love making…Alchohol is a stimulant – it relaxes musles as well as the nerves…hence ‘WHISKEY DICK’ and/or ’short-cummings’…Not everyone is effected the same way, but most guys need a little liquid courage before even talking to a woman. Sometimes us guys think of ourselves as hairy, smelly, out-of-shape ding bats and when it comes to talking to a hot woman we don’t see what woman ’see’ in us, so we boose up! Everyone sees their own flaws and amplify them 10x what they really are, or what their importance is or isn’t to the opposite sex. Guys learn young that sometimes boose helps, which it does, in moderation – too much equals disaster in bed. Not very many guys I know (including myself) spend 10hrs a week at the gym to have that “Brad Pitt” body, thus gaining confidence enough to handle women sober. And ladies if you get that guy thats in the gym and has the that kind of ‘look’ – the kind that can get any woman in the bar/club – he can and will.
….So, you see a guy in bar you think is kinda hot but drinking like a fish, slowem down, and all will be a little better for the first time…maybe…
As far as movies go – they are just movies, fantisies, but not too far off. Hell, me and my guy friends don’t expect women to be PORN stars, it’d be nice, but thats the problem with fantisies or movies, they cloud reality. Everyone needs to WORK at makeing it a reality – or as close to it as we can!
Serena, great artical, something I have argued many many times!!!!
These are all myths. Just becasue women watch romantic comedies doesnt mean we expect life is like that, its just an entertaining ideal for 2 hours. its just if you were to say to guys “men should watch less action movies because such and such whatever isnt real in life”. yadayada. movies are fiction/fantasy. its up to the viewer to depict what is reality and what isnt. its not the movies fault.
Yea, I can see it now, my “big day” with all my family and her family in this huge church (or mosque – not gonna discriminate here…I mean, are there even marriages in mosques anyway? hmm…) and just before the “I do” this motherfucker waltzes in like he’s a fucking rock star. My girl looks at him, he stares back, I look at my girl, then I look at him. She runs to him and they get in OUR limo…I mean the fucking ballz on this bastard. No sir, this aint the movies because they won’t make it more than two miles down the road. Not while I’m in my AWD Rally Inspired EVO. Yes folks, this is where the movie really ends because I catch up to them pull my shotty out and blow the tires off that fucking limo forcing them to stop. “FUCK YEA!!!” I scream as I run up to that ugly pink limo that SHE so eagerly begged for and got because I was WHIPPED. WHIPPED I TELL YOU! BLAMBLAMBLAM. Yea that’s right shattered glass everywhere. MOTHERFUCKERS TRY THAT SHIT AGAIN. Oh wait, you can’t, because I just shot your limbs off. Now that’s reality. But I must tone it down now, I was typing like a madman there with minimal mistakes. PHEW. I’ll be doing a book-signing at BIGLOTS this weekend. I hope you all can attend, especially my friends north of the Great Lakes.
- Making a path to the bedroom with 100 candles is a fire hazard
- Surprising your lost love when she thinks you’re dead will scare the living fuck out of her
My personal fav is when they wake up the next morning and talk to each other with no trace of morning breath, drool on pillows, eye boogers, or bed head. LOVE IT.
And that list is why I avoid crappy romcoms like the plague.
Serena, you are a truely enlightened woman…
Now if you dont mind, maybe give my ex a call (who watched a ton of this kind of movie and TV show) and explain that to her.
…and while you’re at it, can you ask if I can have my DVD’s back?
I will agree that nearly all of what you mention is true but I also disagree that this should discourage women from seeing these types of film. Most of the time, movies are about escape, dreaming – leaving behind our sometimes shitty lives and living in a place where everything works – if only for a moment. And that’s not even every film, just a few. There’s a time and place for everything and I think romantic movies have their time and place.
We don’t say to guys: you must stop watching movies with hot girls in them because:
1) very few women are never really that good looking and that ones that are wouldn’t date you anyways
2) the girls in the movies aren’t “real” they’re actors
etc. etc. etc. A great opinion, to be sure, but I can’t say I agree with it completely.
Amen, sister!
I like to call this Fary Tale Syndrome and sadly a few of my girlfriends have suffered from it at one time or another.
I enjoy a nice romantic drama usually set in some past time period or I’ll curl up with one of my favorite Jane Austen novels, but I know it’s not reality.
With that said I did get lucky and married a wonderful guy who does everyday special guestures to let me know he cares…like bringing me my coffee each morning. You have no idea how awesome that is! ;D
ya i like everything you say except they are completly wrong…in a lot of cases. while these points are valid and are probly true a lot, but there is true romance with prince charmings….not all women want to be assertive*…some like to stay at home clean and cook…raise a child or 2 while then men work…some men are assholes and they make good women hate men….shit is always differant in most cases….im not an expert but its just common sense….none the less good stuff.
I don’t think you read the article closely enough. What does someone wanting to stay at home have to do with the fabled Prince Charming or true romance? That stuff doesn’t show up in the movies, because that’s the reality after the curtain call. I think the point of a lot of romcoms is that many women _want_ to be swept off their feet, and it usually doesn’t work that way.
I know plenty of women who are “assertive” and still love these crappy, crappy films. And plenty of women stay home and still manage to have lousy relationships. Mileage varies.
Really attractive girls will have a highly humorous ‘thing’ about them – be it being clumsy, neurotic, weird family member… In real life this would be so flippin’ annoying. But in film its just plain adorable…
i think thats a load of rubbish that good looking women are bitches and annoying. I m going out with and engaged to the most beautiful girl i have seen phyically and in the intellect sense. She is an amazing asain princess and also is very bright as should be as she is doing medicine. She also funny and very caring. So i do believe you should reach for the stars as its that ones that do are same who catch them
Hey Kanthan,
Congratulations! We should all reach for the stars…
theflyingworm…that was TOO FUNNY :P
Marla…yes movies are an escape..I just noticed in a lot of cases women subconciously take a lot of romantic actions in the movies to heart.
Jeff, you bring up good points…but I have to point you out for a moment. “First time jungle fever love making?” Ummm…why would you need booze for that?!”
I chased once, and I was pissed that it wasn’t raining! It was foggy, but it’s not quite the same thing. :p
I chased once too, but of course that is after she walked about 2 miles…..oopps
lol, you should’ve chased sooner. i would love it if some guy chased me, but i know that is not likely to happen. :)
Dirtyrobert. that was just TOO FUNNY. lol :D
i know women who are holding out for these things.
they grow fatter and more jaded by the day.
toooo friggin funny! and i have expected EACH AND EVERY ONE of these things. Infact…i was out running in the rain last night…and I thought…wow this would be such a romantic momment!! LOL..what A fawking tard I am…I had a better chance at being mugged.
Serena, this is a great list. Unfortunately, I’m nearly clueless about romance and relationships, but as one of those rare guys that’s more open-minded about romantic comedies, I definitely recognize some of the complaints you’re making about romantic movies.
(3) Being a Bitch: This is my favorite one on the list. As much as I really like One Fine Day, it was kind of unrealistic that Clooney’s character would fall for Pfeiffer’s charcter the way she talked to him and automatically assumed male stereotypes about him. In fact, I’m one of the few people in the world who hated Forrest Gump, and to me the worst thing about that movie was how much Jenny treated Forrest like crap. Granted, he was “slow” intellectually, but emotionally, there should have been *no* reason for him to be so into a woman who constantly stepped all over him.
(6) Won’t Chase in Rain: This is another favorite on the list. If you’re already angry and yelling, why would a guy want to get cold and wet too. Just compounds the stress. ;) Ever seen Message in a Bottle with Kevin Costner and Robin Wright Penn? Great movie, but it’s guilty of a fight-in-the-rain scene too. One of the few low points of an otherwise good movie with a believable yet complicated romance.
For really good romantic comedies, check out Under the Tuscan Sun and Return to Me. Under the Tuscan Sun doesn’t really even involve a romance; it’s mostly about someone getting over a divorce so she can learn how to a have romance again. Return to Me is really funny, is much more down to earth, and does not feel like a typical Hollywood romcom.
Despite being a little cliche and cutesy and having a couple underdeveloped subplots, Love Actually is pretty good too. My two favorite subplots involve the British author and Portuguese housekeeper who fall in love despite not speaking each other’s language and the British Prime Minister (played by Hugh Grant) hooking up with one of his assistants (but not in a Bill Clinton kind of way).
All the romcoms I just mentioned are several years old. Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s been a great one recently, unless you count Waitress which is really harder to classify.
Of all the romantic movies, Fatal Attraction is the most realistic one.
Or The Battleship Potempkin.
#24 !!!!! very true # 24 !!!!! very true
So what would it take to get Serena?
That is scary that Fatal Attraction is the most realistic one hahaha…scary.
I always liked When Harry Met Sally it felt like a realistic romance movie to me.
Serena, I haven’t commented on any of your posts, but this caught my attention. I actually read the entire thing. It was humorous and entertaining.
Love Actually is a very touching movie. I despise romcoms, but that movie just got to me. I cried at the end of that film with the footage of people embracing in the airport, especially the little blond kids running to their daddy.
Serena – I want to give you a hug..look into your eyes and say everything is going to be allright. You’re a cute girl and you’ll find someone. If you were not cute you would have a lot harder time finding one – unless you put out.
He may not be the be the best looking guy in the world, but he makes you very happy. As long as you can seperate with what is real and what is not you’ll do just fine. Don’t be cynical about it – accept it. Every once in a while I surprise my wife by sending her flowers out of the blue or celebrate her birthday a couple days ahead of time just to throw her off. I’ve gotten better at this – thank God for my pocket pc – you see when we are out shopping I notice her looking at something and see her wishing she could have it. I make a note of it on my Pocket pc and get it for her next time I could get it – I guess that’s cheating.
Women need escape just as much as men need porn – it’s just that – it’s an escape.
I’ve been married for 10 years. My wife used to say – why can’t you say what he’s saying in the movies or why can’t you do what he’s doing? I had to teach her film production 101. I explained to her that the guy in the movies is basically just a robot and is told what to say and how to say it. I told her that who you’re in love with is the writer becuase all the actor has to do is give his best best delivery of the line.
Good luck in finding the man of your dreams. May your rut be a happy one once you get there.
That was so deadpan I almost took it seriously. Well done.
I agree with Jeff on a lot of what he said.
I do have to say this… I have come across MANY GREAT men that I simply let go for what ever reason. I think your wrong on a lot of what you said, and write on some of it.
I once had my mail man knock on my door and ask me out, so some times these type of things really do come true, however in this case I declined his offer and that was the end of it.
Then of course the guy I am some what seeing now called me up one day and said “so whats up, you my girl or what” …. I nearly fell off my chair laughing.
I think it’s give and take, if you really love and want each other then you do things that are extreamly romantic and beyond movies, for no other reason then love.
As far as perfect men go, I dont want a perfect man, I just want a man perfect for me, and my only true requirement is be faithful!
Another reason women shouldnt watch romantic movies: They’re hypocrites and say they want that romantic nice guy from the movies and yet refuse to date anybody but douchebags
Don’t look surprised. You figured I’d chime in sooner or later.
11) Any rom-com-drama with Jennifer Garner is pure fantasy. That last one- Catch & Release especially….because when your fiancee dies on the wedding day, you know a lass can always rebound and sleep /date with one of his best friends less than a week before the wake…a friend who intr’d the late suitor into cheating on her, a friend who screws the hired maid within 24 hours of his best friend’s car accident. On top of all that, the late fiancee’s mother wants The Ring back…before her son is even in the ground.
(Also, C&R applies to no#3, with the phony ending too)
Do not get me started on “13 Going on 30″.
******
In any case, it isn’t the ladies who love “The Notebook” who bother me…(I’ve been kina pursued by a number who have, I have no clue as to why…but it…em…doesn’t ‘bother’ me…heh heh) it is those who worship Paris, Britney and , once upon a time, Madonna…. that do
BTW, I ran after a nice girl in the rain before.
When I caught up to her, I’ll give you a multiple choice of what she said to me. Did she say:
a) “Thanks for getting my umbrella for me. I forgot it”
b) “Darren! Are You Insane?! You might catch pneumonia!”
c) “You look funny all wet!”
or d) all the above.
******
Rule Of Thumb: It is okay for a guy to go after a lass in the pouring rain. If there is thunder and lighting, bit of hail, the woman is clearly not all there. Let her go.
If it a snowstorm or hurricane, don’t go. She’ll be back.
*****
FYI
It is about 211 miles from Flint to Mississauga.
@Josh Kelhoffer: It’s a sad fact that you’re corect!
One of the best posts at TMB in ages.
Running after me in the rain?? Are you insane!! My make up is all melted and shit, so if he does catch up to me I probably won’t talk to him anyways.
Actually one thing I have noticed about female leads is that they are utterly bland and boring. They give them one quirky behaviour or hobby, she’s so wacky she does Yoga!, to make them seem different than everyone else, but I’m an ugly guy and I wouldn’t go on a date with most female leads. I just ain’t that desperate.
The one cliche I really cannot abide by in romantic comedies is that the female lead will ditch her fiance, usually an allergy ridden bore, to hook up with the male lead. Then the jilted fiance finds someone else and all is well.
Most of the behaviours exhibited by men in romantic comedies would get them arrested. Looking at that list.
2) only a nice guy or a stalker would do something like that. And unless a woman is ready to hear it at that exact moment, it can destroy the relationship.
3) is clear cut harassment.
4) Gotta agree with you there. For all the Cosmo articles that have ever been written, there are still so many women who don’t know their own bodies. And if they do, they are too shy to tell you what they like. Yes ladies your girly bits are all different. I’ve known chicks with G-Spots up near their bladders.
5) The first question anyone asks when a guy does make a grand gesture is “what is he apologising for?” And it won’t be just one person, everyone of your acquaintances will be asking the same question. Won’t be long until he regrets that grand gesture.
6) If any guy did chase you you would scream and he would be beaten to death by nearby “chivalrous” males. No I’m not joking, that has happened to guys before.
7) Just popping out to buy a motorcycle now. Let us know where the wedding will be;)
I agree with most all that has been said. But one other thing I would like to add is that most actions in movies would creep girls out. You see in movies where a guy has liked a girl for a long period of time, but the girl doesn’t know who the guy is. Then the guy ends up talking to the girl expressing how much he likes her and proceeds to tell her all the little things he likes about her (bringing up things she did 12 yrs ago.)she ends up thinking it is sweet and falls in love. In real life, the girl would be creeped out and and probably get a restraining order. It wouldn’t be cute
I did not read all of the comments, so if it is already said, forgive me.
I think the same applies to the men also. There aren’t any girls in the world like the ones in romantic comedies.
TheFlyingWorm. You’re a moron. I just wanted to let you know, if you already didn’t.
Yet it still remains a mystery to me as to why the guys who WILL chase after you in the rain and will do the silly hopelessly romantic big gestures of love are always the ones who are single and no one actually falls in love with. These are the guys who are always there to listen to you complain about how bad the guy you’re currently with is or how wonderful the guy you have a crush on is (and, frequently, how much better he is than said hopeless romantic guy) and still be supportive of you. What is it about those guys that makes women want to completely ignore them?
And for the record, I have yet to meet a guy who’s worth two minutes of your time who has any silly expectations begotten from some ill-conceived movie.
I wish people would stop treating different genders as individual people some guys WOULD do this kind of stuff some good looking girls AREN’T actually total bitches people are actually individuals…
Its not like every male and female are the same as the rest.
And the women that say all guys are jerks are sad bitter people that have probably had a couple of bad experiences in the past and they deserve to die alone.
Sooo, this is simply based on your personal opinion with the women you’ve dealt with. There can’t possibly be any girl out there who can be normal in any way to you. They all act this way.
Try renting “The Tao of Steve” and then immediately watch “Chocolat.” It’s funny how closely Johnny Depp’s character follows Steve’s rules for getting a woman.
I absolutely and 100% agree with this. People have such a deformed sense of “love” that they can’t figure out how to be happy anymore, and movies and books and popular culture are what has done it to us.
Come on now people, fiction and non-fiction. If it’s in a movie, doesn’t mean it’s real.
A very good article! Most would have ended up as a rant against all men, but this was very well put together.
Might I add that most movies depict guys as dumb. This is simply not the case. It’s true, there are times where guys just won’t get the point, and I’ll admit to being guilty of this myself. But as an earlier comment mentioned, “people are individuals!” So while I hope my future “better half” has at least OK looks, I value intelligence much more highly.
I am so happy you posted this. Ever since we were engaged, people told me and my husband we had a “movie romance” or a “meant to be” thing going. I was a little put off that people thought you could just fall into a relationship with someone and automatically everything is roses and rainbows. We have been married for a year now and we have been together for four years. Yes, we now have a wonderful relationship but it didn’t come without hard work, compromise, and understanding. Mainly, a deep understanding of the opposite sex. Men in movies are what women envision and dream about but men in reality are truly just men. They think, react, and generally are different. The best advice I can give…read John Gray’s “men are from mars women are from venus” book series. It is written for both men and women to understand and it really gives you a look into the opposite sex. It also addresses these very same “movie myths.” Also, if you find someone you love, don’t complicate it. Be grateful and don’t try to change that person. My marriage is better than I ever thought possible and that is largely based on the fact that I love my husband…plain and simple, I want nothing to change and we have both made sacrifices to get here. You have to have compromise in any relationship to make it work. Don’t go looking for that movie man, unless you plan on sticking to purely “dream quests” the rest of your life.
Being a bitch is definitely NOT the way to get most guy’s attention. I would never date a girl who thought she was that great.
Romantic movies are as realistic as today’s Action movies. Though everything is exaggerated, I believe that everything that is fake is mimicking something real. I urge all of the ladies out there to not give up hope! You are worth a man that will chase you, profess to you, and chase you in the rain! They’re not movie stars. They’re not rich. They’re not famous… but there are men who are romantic, hard working, loving and will never cheat or take advantage. You’ve just got to be sure your the kind of person that guy would want to be with.
The movies mentioned and this entire article with most of its comments can be summed up in one word…cliché.
How about coming up with something original? That’s asking a lot of Hollywood, but a person with the obvious writing talents that Serena has can surely do much better than this.
Lol. I don’t agree on the being a bitch is necessary. Being some sort of a tease is, however. Bitchiness is just one way to accomplish that.
Nice post, I enjoyed reading it… and I’m a man at that.
Though I feel it’s necessary to put a little footnote under it: not all men are this bad either. I am a hopeless romantic but have noticed even when you do something really romantic, unexpected, uncommon (or iow what you see daily in movies) it doesn’t work either.
Women in my experience even react badly when they get their hollywood dream moment fullfilled. :(
for all people, don’t spend so much time on expectations, what you think the world or a guy/girl expects, don’t be something you somewhat feel yourself with but fits in whatever you feel is expected. Be yourself.
Just plain and simply. The only way to find a person with who it will work out brilliantly is to be true to yourself and who you are. This way when a person likes you, he likes you for you, and not the charade or whatever that gets put up on saturday night. It will lesten dissappointments later on.
A lot of guys do have a romantic soul, I know I do. But it isn’t always easy and women don’t always make it any easier either.
About the bitchy, tip: from my vast experience being amongst men simply because I am one. If you want a guy that’s actually nice, sweet loving and so on and so forth. Don’t be bitchy at all. Nice men hate bitchy and get completely turned of by it.. Bitchy only works for “hot chick superhero fights zombies”-hollywood women. Bitchy equals slutty, men looking for what they think might be slutty are not nice men who are looking for relationships.
Men who want love and commitment, romance and so on and so forth (yes they do exist. I know ;) ) want a nice woman, THE woman. Not a bitch you hate to be stuck (read: married) to.
Very good points. As a man I’d say there is really some wisdom here.
I “stumbled” upon this article with one of my favorite programs and it made me think a lot.
I have been this guy to my girlfriend of 10 months. I’m only seventeen but we’ve been through quite a bit and I think things are falling apart now, I can’t take any more. I’ve been the perfect guy, I’ve done all of the small gestures all the time; I bring her small gifts, flowers, treat her amazingly, everything you could ever think of and more.
In response to the questions, there was never any monologue to profess my love, I quite easily did that through all of my gestures, actions, and words.
I don’t look amazing, but I think I am cute and I’m confident about my looks personality.
I’ve chased her through the metaphorical rain.
She was never a bitch before we were going out, and she was only ever occasionally because she was either in a bad mood or because of PMS or something, but I was always understanding and loving.
I had hoped there would have never been a wedding to crash, that we would’ve stayed together until we got married.
I don’t think it’s going to last much longer just because I’m tired of her jerking me around; she only wants me sometimes and I’m not going to be around for those times any more.
That being said, I’m always looking to meet new people, especially friends, so if you live near Toronto, Canada drop me a line at kynaeus [at] rogers [dot] com. =]
cheerio! excellent post!
Haha, i just had the discussion about whether or not true love exits anymore. And even though im 19 and maybe a bit naive i believe in love however not movielove. The thing is, real love is always more passionate and happening as it is not perfect. Romantic movies never get to me because it isnt something i want. Besides the hot guy, haha which one can easily get. However as wonderful as looks are a GREAT guy has a GREAT personality.Funny and smart. Maybe Hot? maybe Not but who gives a damn. I dont want the jerry Mcguire love nor the Last tango In Paris love, I want the real thing cause it is SOOOOOO much better. dont u agree???
Now, I don’t mean to offend anyone here–least of all the 11 million commenters who were compelled to basically say “Oh man that’s great… so true; I HATE chick flicks and therefore love your analysis!!1″
But… this piece does little to help the idealistic little shrews that worship chick flicks in the first place. Your commentary is basically just a laundry list of why “real” mean aren’t worth a reel of film, so for all the hopeful prudes out there who need to be told when to fall in love, maybe they should just stop hoping.
“Women need to stop complaining that men aren’t that great, because men… aren’t that great.”
Not such a useful argument.
Allow me to quote “When Harry Met Sally” for you, which is a fine romantic comedy: “It’s just obvious that you haven’t had great sex yet.”
Actually Madcasey, it’s just obvious that you don’t know what you’re talking about. :P
I’ve had a great love and great sex and it was with someone who was REAL and didn’t do things out of a movie.
I appreciated the smaller things…the random text msgs, phone calls, the nights we would just stay and watch movies.
You obviously didn’t get the point of this article.
Love is an illusion, everything else is make believe.
I think I’m gonna send this link to some of my friends (girls)…a very interesting read
Serena I disagree with all your points except number
three.
i watch romcoms and love them. I dont believe in some of the things that happen there, but then again all movies have unrealistic stuff. like the hot guys comon..i dont think holywood recriutes unattractive ppl. anyway i think u r wrong serena, there are a lot of guys out there who would chase a girl in the rain and who would proffess their love in monologues,
without going far, a lot of the guys who replied to your blog have admitted of chasing a girl in the rain.
…any way my point is there are guys who will do all the nice things in movies and even more..its just a matter of finding the right one..like someone said here reach for the stars.. and you will find someone who will treat you like a princess..i say this because i know a lot of girls settle for gys who dont appreiciate them enough just because you they dont believe such guys exist.Lucky for me i have found my prince, he doesnt look like brad pit, he looks better. ps romantic gestures go both ways a lot of girls tend to forget that.
As a women who has been married for a little over 13 years now. I will have to disagree with some of the things you have listed here.
1. My prince charming looks better then brad pitt;)and believe me he is a prince charming.
2. My husband has wrtten me poems and yes he tells me all the time how beautiful I am and how lucky he is to have found me and all that stuff;)
3. Can’t say on this one as Hmm I don’t really get bitchy to often.
4. first time we had sex I would consider it to be perfect;)
5. I never expect them but I do get them I used to sing You are my Sunshine to him all the time. He knows I love stuffed animals. He went a looking found me a stuffed animal that plays “you are my sunshine”. then another time He created a video with our song in it with pictures of us throughout our relationship. These are just a couple of things He has done are they grand I think so…
6. Of course with every couple there are spats and I tend to just walk away. Yes He has followed me in the rain and apologized.
7. nope never ruined any weddings…
So I have the perfect man and no nobody can have em. One problem i see that occures in Most relationships is they get on this feeling Kick one prob with that anger weather illness etc can change how a person feels. Love is a much deeper connection then a feeling. Do i wanna smack my hubby at times yes sometimes i feel that way lol but Love him any less of course not..
Some roanctic movies are ok but I agree with point 3. If people treat you bad you normally hate them back. Who goes ooo she hates me. Yippy.
Serena, I was just reading the last post you wrote (Valentines day) and I saw an ad for this and was intrigued.. I laughed outloud when I realized you wrote this one as well!! Fantastic job on both! #4 had me rolling laughing… I do believe we’ve discussed that before! It really is the small things that make the difference, and “grand gestures” are different in reality.. women should not compare this with Hollywood! Again, great article hun! I can’t wait to read more!
You women are greedy you lack discipline, the perfect man do not exist. You tell the good guys like me to go away.
:) and when you are being looked at with respect you too busy chatting to your girl friend who is jealous.
A word for you and I will bookmark this page, answer me one thing. “how should we dress, how do we act and when can you be polite instead of a nagger.
i think because woman is too emotional,sometimes they dont know how to keep there fellings..so you guys can easilly catch womans heart
I’ve ordered lots of romance books online! They’re great!!
check this site out for movie reviews and links to movie and tv websites:
http://movie-direct1.squarespace.com/
Right on. I married my wife for (among other reasons) the fact that watching “Dirty Dancing” did not get her into bed, on the third date.
I guess your love life sucks cause my man has done almost all that stuff
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I’m late to this post, but fuckit. I absolutely agree. I usually avoid romcoms like the plague, but I admit Shakespeare in Love and Ever After are two of my guilty pleasures. (The operative word there being ‘guilty’, however I only like the first for Stoppard’s work, the nerdy Shakespeare references, Geoffrey Rush, and Tom Wilkinson and the latter for the great take on Cinderella and Melanie Lynsky.)
But if I had to base my unrealistic standards for a man from any romantic comedy and assuming he wasn’t a stalker, just really persistent and charming and genuine, I’d pick ‘Life is Beautiful’s Guido and (sure, why not?) Wall-E.
#8 He will have needs of his own
The feature of almost every romantic movie: It’s all about her. There are holes in her life that he comes along and fills perfectly. Grand gestures, chasing in the rain, that’s all the man’s job. She makes him love her apparently just by being so amazing as to be worth all that hassle. The fact is that relationships, especially today, only work when both parties are committed to each other. You’re gonna have to give up a chicken wing yourself on occasion.
I’m rare, a woman who is not into romance movies. Some guys hopefully find this to be a relief. I find the romance movie to portray unrealistic love lives. In fact, I’m annoyed by them giving people unrealistic expectations. They actually make me very angry because its giving tons of women the wrong idea. As if I don’t have enough to be angry over, I think romance movies are really designed to insult people’s intelligence. I’d rather watch Alien Vs.Predator than anything romantic. I’ll pick something more interesting than that. I like comedies but I prefer fantasy or science fiction over a romance movie or even a novel any day.
I’m rare, a woman who is not into romance movies. Some guys hopefully find this to be a relief. I find the romance movie to portray unrealistic love lives. In fact, I’m annoyed by them giving people unrealistic expectations. They actually make me very angry because its giving tons of women the wrong idea. As if I don’t have enough to be angry over, I think romance movies are really designed to insult people’s intelligence. I’d rather watch Alien Vs.Predator than anything romantic. I’ll pick something more interesting than that. I like comedies but I prefer fantasy or science fiction over a romance movie or even a novel any day.
http://www.kwanzoo.com.
Chick flicks are dangerous, as they give women (and men) impossible goals to attain. They are also badly written, acted, and directed on top of it.
Besides, whenever a man pours his heart out to a woman, she secretly hates him for it, as he comes across as too sensitive and “needy”, in her opinion. He usually gets dumped shortly thereafter for being too honest. So if it does actually happen, women don’t like it. They prefer their men to be stoic, uncaring a***oles.
John are you gay!?
“A few years ago, I got mad at my long term boyfriend at the time because he hadn’t done anything romantic for me. (i.e. Grand f*cking Gestures)”
Wtf? Maybe im just having a massive blonde moment, but is that YOU talking, or are you making a point through the POV of a cliche girl?
Dude…explain lol
if she opens her mouth too much stick something in it and tell her to suck on it.. then kick her ass out to the curb and find yourself a good latin or asian woman who doesn’t know to watch this dumbass stuff
LOVE IT!! {{personally i think that romantic movies should be banned :P where are the movies that show men how they really act??}}
my husband is so guilty of the “no grand gestures..” although i must say that he has done one or two in the beginning; we had known each other for 11 years before our first date. we were best friends for that long. on our very first date, he had bought an engagement ring and proposed. after that; no romance… lol… but at least i got a heartfelt, sweet, wonderful proposal!
Loved this post….It is SO true! I’ve co-produced a new documentary film called “Single” — all about the growth of the single population and the complexities of finding and maintaining a lasting relationship in today’s crazy world. It includes (among many other reasons) a section on how hollywood and the media have influenced us, setting our expectations way too high for our relationships.
You can check out the trailer on YouTube at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ijeIRWj2z8
Oh, stop whining. I’ll agree that women should stop watching romantic films because it fuels their expectations for the perfect man when men stop watching sit-coms because it fuels their expecations that they can be fat slobs and still get a supermodel-looking woman.
It’s all fantasy – everywhere. Either people understand the difference between that and reality or they don’t.
Serena,
You are wise for your age. I’m a therapist of many years counseling both men and women, but more women. The women who have gotten addicted to the romance novels and romance films are usually the most burnt out, disappointed and depressed people. Waiting for their prince to show up, or giving the slick guys their time (when they too often are the worst ones to tolerate) and then staying in bad rrelationships too long believing that their “love” will fix or change him are all, in my opinion, part of the baggage that comes from these fairy tales.
The women I work with who get one of the good guys don’t wait, they learn how to go after what they want….but they learn what they want and it’s a lot better than the fairy tales…but it also takes learning. When women tell me they keep meeting the wrong kind of men, I say “it’s easy to meet the wrong kind; it’s the right kind that isn’t so simple”.
Next, give the guys some advice about the “dick flicks” . patricia w
Your so right! I’ve always expected/wanted the “Hollywood romance”, but guys aren’t like the male leads in a romance movie!
Hey, since when did you start believing the movies. Women will always watch these movies just like guys will gravitate toward action and car chases. No one should ‘try it at home’.
Ok first of all doing romantic things all the time irritated my girl, so my finger to the movies that set an example for me to do it. Being too romantic is weird.
You forgot to add in that not only is he not Brad Pitt but you aren’t exactly Angelina Jolie either, so get off yourself.
HAHAHAHAHA…Amen Brother!
The funny thing is: the biggest fan of romantic comedies I EVER met was a guy, my former roommate. Man, that kid loved the warm fuzzy endings, the beautiful leading ladies, the fact that the guy always got his girl, and that everyone learned a nice lesson along the way. ZZzzzzz! He made me swear that I wouldn’t tell my girlfriends that he was such a pushover….but I have to say, it made them swoon. Not sure why…
Wow….why can’t more women be as sensible as you?? Just kidding. I happen to love romantic comedies my fav movies of all time are Fool’s Gold, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, and the romantic period piece Wives and Daughters. Unfortunately I’m no Brad Pitt though… So thats my problem.
wow….I couldn’t stop laughing while reading this!! You are totally right!! but I really don’t know how to stop my prince charming fantasy. I’m still very young and I spend my time daydreaming. I’ve always known that the reality is very different and still, I close myself in my own world and I’m sure I’ll be disappointed someday but your words made me open my eyes. I’ll try to be more careful at what I think and watch from now on… so what I want to say is thank you. :) very much. I needed this.
Well to tell the truth Iv never had a boyfriend (not even close) and im so glad bout that. I agree that sum of the chicks in those movies r too perfect. most women (nd sum girls) change there lives nd faces 2 b as perfect as them nd also so they can find “there 1 true love”. BLAH!!!!!!! Is there evn a 1 true love for every1 in the world? who knows. 1 thing I hate bout sum of those movies (nd evn in real life) is the overprotective boyfriends. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate how the actors nd actresses r soooooo perfect in their perfect little worlds, like that really happens in real life. I’ll watch them movies 2 get a laugh nd 2 bag the “perfect” women but I dont enjoy them. The only 1 I may enjoy is Twilight
yea hi.
i think not all women need to stop watching these types of movies,
just those stuck-up, self-centered, bitches that thing they are gods gift to
men. hey memo to u just because u you have problems at home and lifes
not going as well as you thought, or maybe your father or mother hits you all the time ( or even other things… eh-hem), well i got news for you, its not your fault nor is it any guys fault (at school, or anyone else ’s) so don’t take it out on everyone else. The one guy that might actually like for who you are, is not going to wait forever and nobody can help unless you tell them. so don’t freak out on them because they just don’t know. for those of you that your life is as good as you make it look…. your just fucked because you may just fuck up the one thing that could have made your life just that much better. but on the other hand don’t go and sleep with just anyone either you do need some standers.
These movies are to give people the idea of the one place they can go
and be happy and leave there sad, pathetic, diabolical, disgrace of a life, for just a moment of peace and tranquility, and for a moment they don’t have to worry about being good enough for us and so we don’t have to worry weather or not our worthless shit life means anything or our we just chasing an endless nightmare we call life just to find our-selves at another dead-end job that we hate. these movies are
there to show us that somewhere out there someones life is worse
than our own and to them our life usually looks like we got it made.
and for a split moment we don’t feel so shitty about our-selves.
Very funny! You are so right!
Pascale
About #2:
This is news to me. And I’m a guy. I’ve done these a few times, with mixed results. Usually, I get the feeling the girl has made up her mind before any such love confessions, and my diatribe did nothing to affect things one way or another.
Then again, I’ve been single so long, I’m sure alot of things with dating are news to me.
About #5:
I’d consider #2 to be about grand gestures, though I am hard pressed to think of one that I would do in public.
About #4:
Please name some of these girly romance movies where the girl seems to have an orgasm. The only one I can think of was (I think) the sweetest thing, with Applegate and Diaz. Not a fan of that one, BTW.
I see Serena’s points but the responses from everyone seem to hold one main sociological theme.
Does everyone who gets into a long term relationship always lose every part of their own goals in life for some pathetic flaky existence of a relationship?
With all the responses on this blog it seems that no one here has any goals in life except to get married, settle down, live next to her momma while the man works 8 days a week to make ends meet. That does not sound like life to me. It sounds like an American version of sociological retardation. Being a barfly “in search of” is a waste of time for those who have goals in life that will be accomplished regardless of if there is someone else there to share it with or not. Find something interesting in life that suits your desires and dreams. Someone will come along that you can share that dream with eventually, just don’t rush it. I’m 31 and am in no hurry and could care less whether I find Mrs. Right or not.
I tried being Mr. Perfect and Mr. @ssh0le and a cross breed between the two for more women than I can count. Regardless of how you act, the right girl will come along and not give a d@mn about that sort of fascade that is seen in romcoms.
Something new I just learned from a girl I met: Soft hands means a man works his brain. Never though I was such a dead give away. Maybe I should use sandpaper to wash my hands with so I’m a little less obvious. It just might attract that fairy tale Mrs. Right. I could agree with her as long as her goals don’t lead to the American middle class version of being a sociologically retarded, ignorant, repressed and a happy little (over) tax(ed) payer.
No way in hell I’d chase any woman through the rain unless I was d@mn sure I was getting something out of it. As far as a hurricane or a snowstorm goes, she would be an idiot to run through that (unless she was a storm chaser, that’s sexy!).
Movies are just escapes though. If you would put into a relationship the same amount of time that it takes to create the ideal conveyed in a romcom, you would have a perfect relationship. Movies take years to make sometimes, just like relationships.
Sex, love and rock and roll only looks good in writing, like Marxism. Everything else is, (at least in America,) a 3 1/2 minute version of entertainment and self glorification. An increase in attention spans beyond this amount of time might lead more people to get what they want in life, including that special soul mate.
Nuff said!
Romance novels could be added to this too…
I know a few girls who are addicted to romance novels and out of touch with reality.
this all is pathetic………………………………….
Ok.. so I am one of those romantics who watching romantic movies. But I’m 22, so give me a break. I’ve only had one boyfriend and he was great. He was romantic sometimes, but I was TOO sweet. I gave him my all because I thought he was the one. Well.. not quite all (if you know what I mean) which is probably why he dumped me. But you know what? I don’t regret it. Because I know it wasn’t me who was holding out. He was afraid… of commitment once things started to get kinda serious. Anyways, obviously He wasn’t the one. But the ONE is out there for me somewhere. And HE will come, whenever we are both ready to handle a love of that kind. And… as proof of real love, my parents are the perfect example. They have been married for over 24 years, thick & thin. So.. yeah… I do believe in true love. It’s true.. my dad is not as romantic as he was at first but I try to help him on that sometimes. And not only do I watch romantic movies; I collect them as well too. Good Luck guys and girls out there! Love,
Gaby
Serena wrote a pretty good article in which many women expect too much and sometimes, let a good guy to just pass by in their life. Romcom like “My Best Friend’s Girl” might hv some of their audiences to not consider the nice guy in their lives as they are more suited to be just friends. Sometimes that’s right but at other times, it may not be that case. Love as some commenters have pointed out is not just a feeling, it is more than that. I’m not saying that feelings are not involved but hard work always comes in. To those who are married, they are always contented with all the small gestures that their spouses do for them everyday. From here, we know that It’s not a one time romantic moment that keeps a relationship going, rather it is the daily small gestures that matters in the end of the day. Romcom can be inspirational to the guys, to do more to love their other halves once awhile. To be honest, I do enjoy these kind of movies as movies are always fictional and will never happen in real life. So it’s okay to spend some time watching something which most probably will not happen in real life. Do have high expectations in life but when certain opportunity arises that does not meet your expectations, never brush it aside immediately.
This is amazing and I am totally guilty of obsessing over these picture perfect moments that will never happen in real life. But I will continue to live in hope
Haha. I laughed my head off. Still I say that women could still watch romantic comedies, only with the awareness that it’s just a movie, and just as you pointed out well, many things are not likely to happen in reality. ;) Moreover, watching it with the guys may actually be instructive for them.(if not unbearable)
I totally agree. It’s stunting the emotional grown of American boys and girls. I wrote an article about it myself… http://www.smalltowncritic.com/2008/12/21/ive-been-saying-it-all-along-romantic-comedies-are-screwing-up-our-love-lives-by-coop/
4. FIRST TIME SEX IS NEVER AS GOOD AS IT LOOKS ON FILM
In the obligatory sex scenes in romantic movies, we usually see two bodies mesh in a perfectly choreographed way and the woman always has the most intense orgasm. We usually forget the first time with someone usually involves awkward positions and “shortcomings.” (If you catch my drift)
That’s so true.
I don’t know what you are talking about..I am all of those things and more.
guys, you can thank stephanie meyer for the new raised bar of expectations for yourselves. not only do you have to be romantic, but you have to be incredibly good looking, unrealistically strong, and did i mention…a vampire?!
so why can’t it all happen, i am sure there are guys that fit all that, just like there are girls that can fit a guy fantasy. if you want to be that guy, work hard and you will be. same thing for us girls, its not impossible.
I think the problem is more that we should tell our little girls know, when watching these movies growing up, that this is NOT how things will be. By the time we’re older, we figure this shit out (or at least should) and at this point, movies are more for escape. But we shouldnt give our little girls these silly fake ridiculously high standards. Boys are too lazy to live up to them.
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Hilarious! Accurate and hilarious, #6 is my favorite.