Ok, Kevin Smith is the wordsmaster, and while his Tweets are often insightful and interesting, they can also be crude. Ok, its mostly crude. Oh, and he will not be confined by the restraints of the 140 character limit…
But today he dropped this series of gems in his Twitter and I couldn’t help but share. He had just received a phone call from Arnold Schwarzenegger, wishing him luck with this weekend’s release of Cop Out
I wanna go back in time & tell the 12-yr-old-me watching CONAN that one day, Conan’s gonna wish you good luck on your Bruce Willis movie.
Past-me would look at future me & be like “How the fuck did we get so fat?” Future-Me’d say “Don’t worry: we’re still not too fat to fuck.”
Then, past-me would be like “Fuck ME? Ew – you’re gonna rape me! Future-Me wants to bust my hiney’s hymen! Then, BOOM! Door bursts open.
Arnold, extending his hand to Past-Me, saying “Come with me if you want to live.” Future-me escapes with rocket pack. Skynet goes online.
Past-Me & Arnold have to get to Jersey, to stop 2 angels from ending existence (TRUE ‘Judgment Day’). Arnold pulls Freeze gun, says “Chill.”
Okay, none of that happened; ‘cept the actual Arnold call. And the rocket pack.
Holy shit I would go see that pile of nonsense just to see if it is possible for me to laugh myself fertile.
Kevn Smith should write a sequel to Last Action Hero, where the movie stars all actually come out of their films, but him being the popculture expert Kevin Smith is he would know what to do with each of them… run! It would be comedy genius.
I could watch more of Dante and Randall with no problem…
Love to see them make another and bring back Jason Lee’s character (brody?) from mallrats and put them on some sort of adventure/road trip with jay and silent bob…
cant get enough of those mother fuckers!
call it Return of Jay and Silent Bob’s Phantom Menace or something like that..
SNOOCHIE BOOCHIES!
Kevin would do a great job of Last Action Hero 2. He’s got the talent for that kind of stuff.
You guys are serious about Last Action Hero 2? That’s something you’d want?
Seriously: worse-movie-ever
“Worst”. LOL
And no it wasn’t! It ROCKED!!! Hugely under-appreciated.
Kevin’s always COOL AS HELL!
I was reading those as Kevin was posting them and pissing myself laughing. I loved his restraint from asking Arnahld what was good in life. Following him on twitter means sounding like a bird (the guy tweets so much it keeps my phone chirping happily for 5hrs or more at a time). He is indeed a wordsmaster.
Do you find this funny because you’re fat too? Is this fat man humor or something? Flew right over my head.
I might have a couple pounds in my rounds, but I am far from fat.
You might want to go back to the playground and get some better material if that was you trolling.