Remember when laser pointers were the fad like 10 years ago? Those things pissed me off to no end when you would be watching a movie and some dumb immature teenager would start laser pointing boobs and ass everytime a girl would pop up on screen. Our theatre actually started kicking people out for it so it stopped for a time.

And last but now least…the people who put their feet up on the seats and you can smell their nasty smelly feet. And then they start wiggling and kicking and all you want to do it turn around and stab them in the eye. I have actually found that if you sneak a water bottle with the pop cap into the theatre and pretend to stretch and squirt the person annoying you…he usually gets the point and stops!!!

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Price for my wife and I to attend a film in Southern California = $20 – $30 depending on whether we want to snack or get something to drink. Plus, an annoying time due to very rude people (see above).

Price of watching it at home = $16.49 if I catch it at Best Buy during the first week of release.

So, in the end I own it for about half the price of going out – for us, its a no brainer…

1. a slideshow

2. commercials

then 3. previews

that way they’d be able to fit in more showings.

By the time all that stuff is done with, I’ve forgotten what movie I came to see.

Furthermore, there is no justifiable reason for not being able to bring in outside food and pay those outrageous prices for theater junk when people are just gonna throw the shit on the floor anyway.

people who give blow jobs in the row behind you. finding neverland.

people who smell bad. lemony snickets.

people who bring lazer pointers. the island.

people who choose the seat in front of you in an empty theater. proof.

people who let their kids run free during a film. corpse bride.

people who dont shut up and are in big groups so if u tell them to shut up you’re outnumbered and no one else speaks up either. white noise.

2. Image that is not in frame or in focus or matted correctly. grrrrrrrr

3. The whole movie-house industry is run like an amusement park (with equivalent crowd issues of sloppy food, noise, general chaos) instead of a “cinema” anyway these days so the home theater movement provides the better film-experience IMHO.

Re: The business of hearing explosions from the theater next door – for almost ten years of my moviegoing life I thought that was thunder. I’d hear a boom and say “Must be raining out”, then after the film I’d go out to the parking lot and say “Hmm, I guess it cleared up”.

For years this went on.

“Must be raining out.”

“Hmm, I guess it cleared up.”

“Must be raining out.”

“Hmm, I guess it cleared up.”

“Must be raining out.”

“Hmm, I guess it cleared up.”

“Must be raining out.”

“Hmm, I guess it cleared up.”

I’m not actually stupid, though. Really I’m not.

As an employee at a fairly expensive cinema in California, most of the items you’ve listed I completely agree with. However, there are some things that I’d like to address:

1. I can’t truly be objective about this since I don’t pay for movies, but $9.00 for an evening show here is stretching it, especially since most of the movies we show are COMPLETE AND UTTER CRAP.

2. There’s something that most people don’t realize about the concession stand at theatres. It’s probably the only thing that the theatre makes money off. Ticket prices are high, sure, but most if not all of that revenue goes right back to the studios. How does a theatre stay in business, then? It’s all in concession. By purchasing a popcorn and soda combo, you’re effectively paying for the cashier’s paycheck.

3. Concession stand lineups are a huge problem, I admit. But there’s more to it than a lackluster staff. More often than not, a customer will come up to me, completely UNAWARE of what they want to order. They then proceed to ask me about EVERY single item until they can pick the right one. Then it turns out that we just sold the last garlic cheese pretzel, and the whole deciding process starts over again. It’s very intimidating, seeing 20+ people in line waiting to be served. Just realize that the staff for the most part is TRYING AS HARD AS THEY CAN to kill the line (or certain arrogant customers).

4. An ad for MovieTickets.com is the only commercial that plays before the movie trailers start up here. It’s very short and funny the first two or three times (but after that it’s just plain ridiculous.)

5. Pre-selected seating is a great idea on paper, but its entirely too hard to enforce considering the selfish and uncooperative nature of customers. Not to mention that the company is too stingy to pay people to be ushers in individual theatres.

6. There’s a crying baby policy sign at the podium where tickets are ripped. Basically we have the right to ask parents to leave with their kids if they don’t do so on their own volition. I should also mention that people often point at the sign and make jokes “Crying baby policy, honey. I guess you can’t go to the movie!” God is that annoying.

7. It’s amazing how much you grow to hate your own age group working in a theatre. Not only do they not know how to properly order food (You get the money from your mom BEFORE you decide what you want, NOT AFTER), they also have a nasty habit of being inconsiderate to the other customers. If someone complains to me, I usually have to go in and tell the kids to keep it down. Of course, being that I’m a teenager like them, they don’t take me seriously. I almost always have to ask an older supervisor to do the job for me. God, I hate kids.

8. I don’t see movies that often, but I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE TALK. When I saw Lord of War a couple weeks back, this woman would NOT STOP TALKING. She would try to predict what would happen after every ten seconds, and would always scream whenever an ounce of bloodshed occurred. The problem is, the only thing people can really do is tell an usher, which involves leaving the movie. No one wants to miss anything.

9. Ticket lineups are done outside. Movie lineups are done inside. I don’t quite understand the problem.

10. We have shelter for the first three dozen or so people, but after that, it’s a free for all. It rarely rains here though.

11. At my place “ticket checker” is called “door person”. It’s quite possibly the most boring job in the world. You basically have to stand in one place. You can’t fraternize, you can’t read a book, you can’t do anything but tell the people where the movie is. Once every movie is in, you have to stand perfectly still in the event that someone comes in late or has to come back in from a trip to the bathroom. We should probably set up a place to set your food, but usually the surface of the podium suffices. All of this is a moot point in a closed lobby cinema.

12. $4.00 for a large water!

13. Stadium seating. Learn it. Love it.

14. Try having to clean a bathroom when a movie gets out. Now that’s what hell is really like.

15. What’s even more annoying is when they put their up right next to your head. That’s always fun.

16. Somehow I don’t think a movie theatre is the best place to pick up chicks. I see my fair share of dimes working the night shift. They’re all presumably single… until their boyfriends get out of the bathroom.

17. All shows at our theatre start no later than 9:55PM. Any later would mean we would have to stay at work until about 1-2 o’clock in the morning.

18. On weekends (including Fridays), we usually have four sets (five if a movie is particularly short): a late morning show (starting between 11-1), an afternoon show (3-4), early evening show (5-7), and a night show (9-10). Sometimes the times are inconvenient, but that’s almost always the fault of the movies. The Corpse Bride, for example, was SO SHORT that it had five sets. This made it show at odd times, which may or may not have been ideal for all people.

19. See my earlier rant about concession. People need to choose before they order. Plain and simple.

20. Parking is free here. I’ve never heard of a place without free parking.

21. What amazes me is how fragile these seats really are. When I’m cleaning a movie that got out, sometimes I’ll find seatbacks just lying around the floor. There’s usually 1 or 2 seats that don’t work per theatre.

22. People are selfish and annoying. The best you can do is give them a look of disapproval and hopefully shame them into never leaving their cell phone on again. A theatre nearby (which is owned by the same company) has a sign of the door “Remember to turn off all noisy electronic devices, including cell phones” This usually gets people to do the right thing.

23. Never came across this problem with small cupholders.

24. Yeah. Most of the movies today suck. That’s why I rarely take advantage of my employee privileges. I simply don’t want to waste two hours watching crap.

WHAT ARE THEY ALL DOING BACK THERE?

And of course there’s a supervisor in a nice suite watching over them, probably making sure that the bunch of teenage kids working there don’t give freebies to their friends or burn the place down when the popcorn machine explodes.

He better have SOME excuse for just standing around, because he sure as hell isn’t improving the customer experience.