Five actors who may kill you…


Are you a F*CKING amateur?

5. Christian Bale

He’s an amazing actor who’s played a psychotic serial killer in American Psycho, an expert martial artist/marksman who is emotionally absent in Equilibrium, and a dark vigilante consumed by vengeance in Batman Begins and The Dark Knight. There is very little he will not do in order to perfect the role he is set to play. For his role in The Machinist he cut his weight to 121 pounds and then auditioned for Batman Begins gaining 100 pounds in six months after getting the role. In addition to his dedication, he is an actor who becomes lost in the role he is playing. The excuse for his outburst (see here) on the set of Terminator: Salvation was that Bale was so concentrated on the part that he could not break character. It makes me wonder what would have happened if the film crew on the set of American Psycho had made a mistake. I would be scared to see his inability to break character in one of those scenes.



I will look for you…I will find you…and I will kill you.

4. Liam Neeson

Liam Neeson seems like a very nice guy…until you cross him. If you kidnap his daughter he will wreak havoc on your entire country, killing and torturing everyone in his way as we’ve seen in Taken. Abandon him in a desolate frozen tundra surrounded by wolves…they may as well be puppies. Are you looking to seek revenge on the criminals of Gotham City wanting to take on the entire mob by yourself? “Oh hey there Mr. Neeson, can you make me a badass who everyone fears?…Sure thing, meet my army of Ninjas.” I also wouldn’t try to burn Liam alive, that will just be the catalyst that turns him into a raging, adrenaline powered crime fighter who will stop at nothing to get his revenge like in Darkman. Liam can be a great ally or an unstoppable enemy, personally I’m going to be the first to buy the guy a happy meal.


They drew first blood…not me.

3. Sylvester Stallone

He’s defeated every boxing champion in the world in all of the Rocky movies, then comes back for more in Rocky Balboa and he’s been an invincible soldier of fortune that uses a bow and arrow against an army packed with guns in the Rambo films. Time has passed since his prime but Stallone still has more muscles than some professional body builders and he is approaching 70. So what could make Stallone snap and kill someone? I’ve got two words for you…”Roid Rage”. Stallone has openly admitted to using HGH for some time now and is still using it currently. So whatever you do, don’t bring up his role in Spy Kids: 3-D, you don’t want to catch a testosterone loaded, muscle-bound action star on one of his bad days.



I’d like to take his face…off…

2. Nicolas Cage

Many killings are acts of passion or desperation. Desperation is something that Nicholas Cage has quite a bit of. After declaring bankruptcy, Cage has taken every role that has come his way. Films such as Bangkok Dangerous, Knowing, and The Wicker Man have proven that he is desperate for money. With these films slowly discrediting his abilities as an actor, he’s going to have to look elsewhere for cash when the roles stop coming his way. After all the jokes and snide remarks towards him, I also think he’s a time-bomb that is about to explode. From his built up hostility and acts of desperation, as we can see from his role choices, I wouldn’t put contract killing past him. He’s played the role of a killer quite a bit to know how to get it done, so make sure you have no enemies and you are on his good side.


The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

1. Chuck Norris

Do I really need to explain this one?


About Ryan

First and foremost, Ryan Brown is a fan. He has been an avid fan of both the theater and cinema since an early age and his passion for both has been continually growing ever since. When dissecting a film, he focuses on all elements of film-making including some fan/cult factors. He believes that character development is the foundation of a good film and usually starts his analysis of a film from there moving forward. His writing style may be influenced by his background of narrative and argumentative studies in the subject, but he tends to enjoy a more conversational style to better interact with the readers, unlike some other pretentious and pompous writers.