Swayze Denies Deathbed Decree!

Patrick Swayze 7

It looks like Swayze has had just about enough bullshit. He’s sick of seeing people give Cancer the benefit of the doubt and has proclaimed himself the winning combatant in this duel to the death! We get the following update from BBC News:

Actor Patrick Swayze has denied US tabloid reports that he is close to death, calling allegations “shoddy and reckless reporting”.

The 56-year-old star said reports that he is “on his last legs and saying goodbye to my tearful family” were “lies and false information”.

Swayze, who has been filming a US TV drama, said his pancreatic cancer was “a battle, but so far I’m winning”.

Mortals have about a 5% chance to survive Pancreatic Cancer. Patrick Swayze is no mortal man, he is a limber meat machine with a hunger for life and a love of the dance. I have told cancer again and again that it best leave Swayze be. With luck, this time cancer will fade off into the sunset with its tail between its legs.

Cancer has a tail – you heard it here first.

Now Swayze will rip it off and use it as a jump rope.

HAIL SWAYZE!

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20 thoughts on “Swayze Denies Deathbed Decree!

  1. this is great news :) damn those news paper people with their bull-s….. i pray for the best and its coming, Patrick Swayze is going to be fine and live longer then the rest of us.

  2. Eff yeah Doug. Every time you talk about Swayze being the killer of cancer, I get more pumped. I totally agree. He will destroy cancer. And after he destroys it he will probably eat it for breakfast and then crap it out to show it who is boss.

    Remember, in the spirit of Christmas,

    “Every time a bell rings, Swayze kicks cancer’s ass”.

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