Anaconda was one of the better “Giant Creature Movies” we were introduced to in the late 90s. Of course this was in comparison to other cinematic gems such as Lake Placid and later in ’02 with 8 Legged Freaks. But the idea of a giant snake eating people was pretty decent.
So decent in fact, that they are planning on continuing the tradition with TWO more confirmed Anaconda movies. But that isn’t the best part!
the back-to-back cheapie sequels will star none other than (ready?) David Hasselhoff! Yep, the Hoff will be starring as the hero in a pair of Anaconda sequels. (Logic dictates that Dave does NOT get eaten by a giant snake in the third film.) Co-starring in Anaconda 3: The Offspring will be Crystal Allen, Zoltan Butuc and (who else?) John Rhys-Davies.
Don E. FauntLeRoy is being promoted from his established track record of Steven Segal movies to helm these inevitable canned gold endeavours.
I can hardly wait to see if this movie is the cheese factory that nearly anything Hasselhoff touches.
He’s nothing without the car.
There’s going to be a lot of women losing their virginity by the time both DVDs come out!
das Hoff ist ein Gott unter insekten.
@Mozzerino
Just as long as it ain’t “Nick Fury”
…..now, back to the matter at hand.
Since these things are going right to DVD / video (and then one hop away from the Sci-Fi channel), overall, I could sort of get it. I mean, might as well squeeze out the rest of the water from the rag.
As for FauntLeRoy, seeing how Sensei Seagal is not co-starring along the Hoff, it does seem a step up on the ladder…although a DTV flick with both would have been killer.
The Hoff? Aww come on was Johnny Messner too busy to star in the next two cheesy movies. His shirtless was the only good thing about the movie. I hope The Hoff has no plans to remove anything clothing.
My guess is that Hoff will surprise everyone with a startling performance that will put him immediately to the Hollywood A-List.
He will sport a beard and play a reptile expert, wearing a collar of snake-teeth, who has lived for years in the deadly forests of the amazon. His loving wife and his two adorable children have been eaten by anacondas years ago and he’s looking for revenge. The grief also made him develop a grave alcohol abuse problem. Hoff should be able to portray that convincingly.
And he needs a cool name. Something like “Hunter Kane” or “Snake Barlow”. In fact, if they are still looking for writers on this thing, I hereby volunteer!
The spiritual sequel to Snakes on a Plane?
I want Anaconda 3 to open with a scene of Hasslehoff rowing a boat down river singing ‘i’ve been looking for freedom’.
Then i want Anaconda 4 to open with a scene of Hasslehoff rowing a boat down river singing ‘i’ve been fighting some snaaaaa-aaakes’.
And at some point, John Rhys Davies must have his stomach cut open with a Hoff wielded machete to reveal “fucking thoooousands of snaaaaaaaaaakes”.
And i want these movies to make it clear that Hoff’s character did the same thing to Jennifer Lopez’s character off screen sometime. It will have no plot significance but it will set the audience on Hasslehoff’s side.
All Hail the Hoff!
I don’t care how bad this movies will end up being. The fact that The Hoff will star in them automatically makes them awesome.
Oh my GAWD.
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