If the Halo Movie is Anything like Halo 2… Spare Us

I was gonna name this article “Halo 2 ‘DOOMed’ to Suck” but I figured that was lame.

So am I writing this to get the vid-geeks worked up? Maybe.. But honestly, I really do mean this.

When it comes to video games, I’d like to say I know what I’m talking about. It’s sad, I know, but it’s true. I am learning as the years go by, that life brings one to play less, but that doesn’t change the fact that I get full use out of my HD Loader and in my gaming hey-days, I:
Played defender until the computer crashed from level counting.
Beat the tar outta Mike Tyson over and over and over… (007 373 5963)
Held an Unreal Tournament Server record for over two years.
Beat the original Zelda in one sitting. Twice.
Would play 4-on-1 Heretic and I’d win 30-1.
Beat both the Arcade versions of UN Squadron and Killer Instinct 2 on one quarter.

Bottom Line: When it comes to vids I’m not an idiot – I won’t say I’m the best but I’m not dumb. My video game playing spans across 3 different decades. And guys, (and the VERY occasional girl) I’m sorry, but I sat down and played for a good number of hours the other night and: Halo 2 sucks. No really. It does.

Now before you blow your first orgasm getting angry at me, if you only play Halo 2 for online play, I’m not talking about that. I’m no dullard Online play is a whole new ballgame and very addictive in its own right. I’m talking about just the game. Cow flop.

Bad, overused enemies, boring and very over-used weapons with lousy, and I mean lousy, method of arming yourself, no varients in foot-speed, no dodge-jumping, no progammable button configuration (only presets), jumping requires removing thumb from the analog stick. Hardly, if at all, any difference in movement between species of human and alien. Bad, bad, bad. I’m shocked that all you folks have made the thing so popular. I had more control with Contra. Does really cool stuff happen 50 hours into the game? It’s too late by then.

Why say all this? Well, because the concept of Halo the movie didn’t exactly blow wind up my skirt in the first place and now, I will certainly be wind-free. My interest is now zero. I realize we knew this already, but the we’re-only-making-this-movie-because-the-game’s-popular factor has ballooned to ridiculous levels. Yes, sure, sure, Doom is the exact same thing.. but Doom was at least ground breaking (yes, I know about Wolfenstien 3D, but you know what I mean) and by now, Doom has some nostalgia factors going for it (that game’s over a decade old folks) Halo, forget that, Halo 2 hasn’t even been around a year yet and bloop there it is, in all its digital-crap-to-celluloid-crap transfer glory.

Mind you, given the chance to be in it, I’m sure I’d say yes. Heretic anyone?

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