Jessica Simpson Sucks In Dukes Of Hazzard

Ok, ignore the title of this post for just a moment (we’ll get back to it in just a second). From all accounts Jessica Simpson is a fine young lady. Everything I’ve ever read from those that actually know her paint her as a down to earth, very friendly and likable person. In ALMOST every interview I’ve seen her in she’s carried herself very well and is surprisingly quite well spoken. Personally, I find her to be very beautiful… and mock me if you wish… but I think she’s got a decent singing voice too. All in all… I have to say that I like Jessica Simpson.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way… let’s get back to Jessica Simpson the “actress”.

As I write this, I’m sitting in Nashville were I’ve been visiting for a few days and had the opportunity to see The Dukes of Hazzard a couple of days ago. The film itself is not as bad as I thought it would be and even carried some really good laughs. Kinda fun for a Saturday afternoon matinee if you must go see it. But what I want to talk about it Jessica Simpson’s performance in the film.

WHAT PERFORMANCE?!?! Folks, I can’t emphasize this enough… Jessica Simpson was SHIT (I think that is the first time in 2 years of Movie Blogging that I’ve every typed the word shit) in this movie. And when I say “Shit”, I don’t mean it in some positive new hip lingo kind of way. I mean she SUCKED in this movie. Her “accent” shock all over the place and was pathetic, her lines were delivered so stiff that Viagara could learn a few things from her and her lack of any acting talent whatsoever was so glaringly clear that even in scenes where you could tell the director told her to just “stand there and jiggle your tities” she looked more like she belonged in one of those late night 1-976 sex phone commercials than in a major motion picture.

Jessica Simpson can not act. Period. There was nothing in her performance as Daisy Duke that showed ANY potential or promise.

But keep in mind… none of us can do EVERYTHING well. Hell… I can’t fix cars to save my life. So saying Jessica Simpson can’t act isn’t a knock against her. She does many things well. But for the love of all that is good and holy, please Ms. Simpson just stick with those things. Stay out of movies.

The fact that they gave this role to this talentless non-actress over Jessica Biel is almost enough to make my head explode. Good grief. End of Rant.

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23 thoughts on “Jessica Simpson Sucks In Dukes Of Hazzard

  1. JESSICA CAN ACT. SHE HAS THE HOTTEST FUCKING BODY IN THIS MOVIE. I’D LIKE TO TAP THAT ASS….. MAJORLY!!!!!!!! SO FUCK ALL YOU WHO SAY SHE SUCKED. SHE’S GOT TALENT SHAKIN’ THOSE TITS. UR ALL FAGS WHO SAY SHE CAN’T AND HAVE PROBALLY NEVER EXPIRIENCED A BLOW JOB OR EVEN A BONER. SO THAT WILL MAKE ALL OF U FUCKERS FAGS!!!!

  2. JESSICA CAN ACT. SHE HAS THE HOTTEST FUCKING BODY IN THIS MOVIE. I’D LIKE TO TAP THAT ASS….. MAJORLY!!!!!!!! SO FUCK ALL YOU WHO SAY SHE SUCKED. SHE’S GOT TALENT SHAKIN’ THAT BOOOTY

  3. To those of you that typed Jessica sucked, her acting was shit, she was awful…… you must be fags. Who f’ing cares what her acting was like. It’s not like she’s doing Broadway for christ sake, it’s the f’ing Duks of Hazzard. She’s hot as can be, and franking that’s what made it worth the ticket price. For those critical of her acting, I will assume it’s because you’ve never been laid, and have time to worry about her acting. like I said, fags.

  4. Craig

    Your comment is about as stupid as that no acting, no acting prima donna Simpson. There are lots of great looking girls. That doesn’t give them a license to be rich, or to act. There aren’t many girls who came up to you and stripped that you wouldn’t do, so that comment was ridiculous. We are in a nation of retards you are right. Retarded to allow so stupid bitch to not have to work for a living, be plastered over t.v., dumb Buffalo Wing commercial, etc., and make millions for deafening, and blinding a nation from actually hearing how poorly she sings, and dumb she acts with her tits.

  5. REMEMBER, WE’RE A COUNTRY THAT THOUGH JOHN WAYNE WAS A GREAT ACTOR.WEATHER SHE CAN ACT OR NOT SHE’S GOT A KILLER BODY AND LOTS OF CASH YOU POOR BEER SUCKING RETARDS.IF SHE WALKED UP TO YOU TOOK OFF HER CLOTHS AND SAID BANG MY ASS TILL I SCREAM YOU LIFELESS DRUNKS WOULDN’T REMEMBER WHAT A DUKE WAS.GET A LIFE

  6. Hey i seen the dukes last night, i thought it was OK. I thought that jessica was so slutly in this movie. I admit that jess is a very very pretty girl, but she doesnt have to have to dress like that, her only role in the movie was to flirt around in a sexy way to get what she wants. Lots of children look up to her as a role model, a role model that wears skanky clothes? no i dont think so, these kids are all gonna turn slutty in no time!

  7. JESSICA SIMPSON IS AMEAN SNOTTY BITCH REMEMBER THAT EPISODE ON NEWLYWEDS WHERE SHE ACTED ALL CREEPED OUT BECAUSE SOME POOR PHOTGRAPHER THAT HAD TO SHOOT AN AD FOR HER DIDNT HAVE FINGERS AND SHE WAS ALL GROSSED OUT AND TOLD NICK SHE DIDNT THINK SHE COULD DO THE SHOOT WITH THE POOR PHOTOGRAPHER BECAUSE IT GROSSED HER OUT WHAT A BITCH WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS I THINK HANDICAPPED PEOPLE ALL OVER THE WORLD SHOULD BOYCOTT HER HELL I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD BOYCOTT THE BITCH MAYBE SHE WOULD RUN OUT OF MONEY SHE SPENDS ENOUGH OF IT ON STUPID CRAP DOG CARRIERS THAT COST AZILLION DOLLARS SHE SHOULD BE LOCKED UP FOR THAT MAYBE HER HAIR EXTENSIONS WOULD FALL OUT AND WE WOULD ALL BE GROSSED OUT BY HER I CANT STAND CELEBRITYS ALL THE MONEY THEY HAVE COULD FEED A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY WHAT DO THEY SPEND IT ON DOG CARRIERS

  8. The original show was tasteless Friday night crap, that only bored baby-sitters and blue-hairs even watched. This is another piece of Hollywood bullshit that is guaranteed to Hoover your $9 and give adolescents a night or two of jerk-off fantasies. When will you pathetic, illiterate morons learn. This movie is more Republican-inspired bullshit to keep you from remembering that over 1800 Americans are dead in Iraq. If you’re staring at Jessica’s ass and tits you won’t bother to ask why!!!!

  9. Jessica Simpson would make a great Harley Quinn just think about it for a min,she runs around pissing everyone off with the joker pointing her tits in everyones face in tight ass outfits and has one of the most irritating voices I have ever heard. Jessica has that role in the bag(or Paris Hilton)

  10. “i think its clear the best choice for Harley Quinn would be Fairuza Balk”

    You know, I hadn’t really thought about that, but now that you mention it, I like that idea. Will Harley Quinn have a part in the sequel? I hadn’t heard anything to that effect.

  11. I will start by saying I haven’t seen this movie yet, and I would rarely question your judgement, John…

    Does this movie seriously warrant enough respect to question her acting ability? I mean…it’s the Dukes of Hazzard! It was a cheesy, poorly written TV show, and now it’s a cheesy, poorly written movie. I am not sure how she would have a *chance* to act in it, personally. Like I said, I haven’t seen it…maybe she really is that bad. I am not sure how you could tell that apart from the rest of the movie. It’s kinda like those people going in to this movie expecting it to be fantastic. You should go in *knowing* it’s going to be cheesily bad. :)

  12. [[Give the girl a chance in a good movie role.]]

    Are you kidding? If there would ever be a break for a non-actress trying to get into the acting biz then she got it. Jessica Simpson (a cute little southern girl with a hot body) starring as Daisy Duke (a cute little southern girl with a hot body). There were only two things on the checklist to get her to pull off this transition. She had to look good in short shorts (which she did) and she had to use a southern accent (which she FAILED?????). How the hell does someone from the south fail in convincing you she’s from the south?!?!?

    [[ I want to see Jessica Simspon as Harley Quinn in BATMAN BEGINS 2. She would rock that role.]]

    Wow. No offense to Dougie, but what a moronic statement. She failed in playing a character similar to herself, yet she’d “rock” as a very complicated psychotic deviant who’s day job is a psychiatrist? That even worse casting than Katie Holmes as a District Attorney.

  13. Hey there Doug,

    Ok, movies are all subjective, and we’ve all got our own opinions… but I’ve GOT to ask you…

    What on earth do you base that opinion on? (that’s she’d rock in Batman 2).

    I mean really… what example of her acting do you look at and think “yes, this girl has what it takes to be in the next Batman film”????

    Not trying to sound sarcastic… I’m really curious as to what you see… because brother… I don’t see it.

    Daisy Duke should have been an EASY brainless role to play (for any real actress)… and she blew even that simple little role.

    Cheers.

  14. well spoken? I think you’re penis might be covering for your brain at work, John.

    the woman is as dumb as a stump, and extremely unlikable. on her reality show she brainlessly spends money all this time, shocked at how much things cost when she gets a bill, and expects to be treated like a total princess all the time. she’s the perfect example of a dumb submissive housewife. all this and she’s under total control of her father, to a point where I just pity her.

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