Ok, I decided to actually wait until the start of the New Year to put up my list of worst films of 2004. The most beautiful thing about film is the pure subjectivity of it, some I’m sure some of you out there may have one of these films on your favorite lists. Good for you, here’s hoping you seek some serious counselling this new year! On with the list:
#10) The Village – I wanted to like this movie so much. The marketing of the film was nothing short of brilliant. Even after the film was over I tried to convince myself that I liked it… even now it pains me to put it on this list… alas I must. The film failed on so many different levels it’s difficult to know where to begin. The best way I can put it is that the movie appeared to believe too much in it’s own hype and had a “surprise” ending that many of us saw coming weeks before we ever set foot in the theatre. Not only is it one of my worst films of the year, but it’s my second biggest disappointment of the year as well.
#9) Alexander – A film that had so much hype surrounding it before it’s release… unfortunately the hype was for all the wrong reasons. In the end, it didn’t matter if Alexander was gay or not… because it was just a horrible movie.
#8) Welcome to Mooseport – Apparently not everyone loves Raymond. You’d think with Gene Hackman in it some sort of redeeming quality could be found in this film… not a chance. This movie was so bad that not even Robin Williams with Al Pachino could have saved it. Oh man this was a bad movie.
#7) Soul Plane – Oh hey look! This is original. A hip-hop culture comedy that replay gags from a hundred other film and suckles at the tite of stereotypes for all it’s attempts at humour. If you’re going to do that, at least try to make me laugh… oh… you WERE trying?!?! Could have fooled me.
#6) Resident Evil: Apocalypse – I don’t care if you do like the games, I don’t care if the girl is hot and some (I stress SOME) of the visual effects were slick. This movie SUCKED. It’s rare that I check my watch repeatedly during a movie. I must have checked mine 30 times in this one.
#5) Troy – This is another one that I really wanted to like. Great filmmaker, great cast, great material, great balls of fire this movie was bad. I think I even wrote an “ok at best” review for it after seeing it the first time… but then I made the mistake of seeing it again and realized this was a failed project. Eric Banna’s performance as Prince Hector is the only thing that keeps Troy from sinking even lower on this list.
#4) The Whole Ten Yards – I LOVED The Whole NINE Yards. Imagine my devastation after walking out of this pile of garbage. Why did they even bother. Don’t hold your breath for The Whole Ocean’s Eleven Yards.
#3) Blade Trinity – In my review for Blade Trinity I said it wasn’t one of the worst films of the year. Upon reflection… YES IT WAS. Within about 4 minutes of the horrible opening credits I was visibly angry at how they ruined this franchise. A bad film on almost every level. Gag, my stomach hurts just thinking about it.
#2) White Chicks – Wow, there are so many things wrong with this film it’s pointless to even go into it. A premise that’s been done (much better thank you) literally 6 or 7 times before with all the stereotype humour and underlying racism you can pack into a bad night at the movies. This movie wasn’t funny bad… it was bad bad. A big Christmas fruit cake of crap.
#1) Catwoman – I started planning this list the moment I walked out of the theatre. Catwoman does not only top my list as worst film of the year, but is easily the worst film Hollywood has unleashed on us unsuspecting masses since Battlefield Earth. There is nothing redeeming about this movie. The acting was terrible, the direction was an total joke, the visual effects came via 1999, the dialog was the MOST PAINFUL I’VE EVER HEARD IN A MOVIE, the plot was laughable… seriously folks, I put Catwoman in my top 5 Worst films ever made list. It really is that bad. If you hate yourself, try renting Battlefield Earth, Dr. T and the Women and Catwoman and watch them all in one night. Wow.
Some others need to be be dishonorably mentioned here as well
– New York Minute
– The Girl Next Door
– King Arthur
So there you have it folks, my personal list-O-crap for 2004